Christine Louis de Canonville: What is No Contact with a Narcissistic Abuser?
Our most requested guest returns to discuss the term NO CONTACT in relation to Narcissistic Abuse. Author and therapist Christine Louis de Canonville is back to discuss No Contact and Low Contact with Cluster B personality types.
Christine’s shows are downloaded well into the thousands every month and she’s quickly become the go-to expert when it comes to educating anyone working in and with the field of behavioral health about the subject of narcissistic personality disorder. Before we air any show we take the temperature of our listeners to find out which questions come up repeatedly. Lately we’ve been inundated with requests around what it means to extricate yourself from a toxic relationship and how to do this safely (emotionally and physically). Sometimes it does involve some “trickery” on your part. Please enjoy our latest and, again, be prepared to take notes. Christine’s advice around this topic is invaluable.
There are many articles out there about what it means to go No Contact or Low Contact with toxic individuals. We discuss why this action is imperative. It is due to the trauma bond with the toxic individual(s) and subsequent cognitive dissonance you experience. There is NO way to successfully heal without cutting ties. Because of employment, family, children, etc. a full break may be impossible. You cannot heal, however, without instilling some form of low contact. It is physically, mentally, and emotionally impossible. There are also levels of no contact which take place over time, as you heal.
We’d also like to dispel the myth around believing that once you know what Narcissistic Personality Disorder is that you will never run into these people again. They exist and will always come in and out of your experience. Because of my visibility on the radio show, I am contacted not only by victims/survivors but also narcissists claiming to be victims of abuse. Even some who are clinicians. It is a slippery condition that takes education and continual work on your own healing in order to determine who it is you are dealing with and how entrenched they become in your life. I’ve learned how to spot them sooner, how to make myself less attractive to them (see Gray Rock Method), and how to extricate myself with as little fan fair as possible. It is never easy nor is it pain free.
I am also blessed to have a powerful support network that I freely share with my colleagues, friends, family, and our listeners. The number one assets and necessary superpowers are EMPATHY and SUPPORT.
Christine Louis de Canonville joins us from Dublin, Ireland. She is a gracious, series regular. Her books The Three Faces of Evil, When Shame Begets Shame, and The Gaslighting Syndrome are available for purchase on her website narcissisticbehaviour.net. Christine’s educational background includes her Bachelor’s Degree in Psychology and Theology. She also holds diplomas in Forensic Psychology, Criminology and Teaching as well as studying Medical Anthropology.
*Examples given regarding Narcissistic Personality Disorder, Psychopathy, or Sociopathology may be related to the guest or host’s experiences over vast interactions in their field. An amalgamation of experiences may be described but may not represent any specific entity. Should any listeners resonate with the information discussed or written, a list of licensed professionals will be made available upon request.
Abuse, abuse of power, abuse recovery, Abusive Relationships, anxiety, authentic life, behavioral health, bullying, Coercive Control, community, coping skills, counseling, Covert Narcissism, current events, de-stigmatizing mental health, depression, destigmatize mental health, destigmatizing mental health, emotional abuse, empath, gaslighting, healing, healing life, healing lifestyle, Kristin Sunanta Walker, life skills, mental health, mental health awareness, mental illness, narcissism, narcissist, narcissistic abuse, narcissistic abuse recovery, narcissistic personality disorder, narcissistic victim syndrome, NPD, NVS, overall health, Overt Narcissism, Personality Disorders, Psychiatry, psychological abuse, psychologist, psychology, psychopathic, PTSD, self-care, sociopathic behavior, sociopathy, Stockholm Syndrome, suicide, suicide prevention, The 3 Faces of Evil, The Gaslighting Syndrome, toxic people, trauma, Trauma recovery, When Shame Begets Shame, Word Salad
Sandi Evans
Miss Canonville, I am a 19 year survivor of a marriage with a Narcissist/Gaslighter who is presently in the middle of a NASTY DIVORCE from him PRAISE GOD!!!! . I had read highlights of your book online and would love to buy it, but the Amazon site says it is no longer available and your website is not accessible?
Please tell me where I can go to purchase “Three Faces of Evil”.
Thank you so much,
S.S.
mhnrnadmin
Hi- we forwarded your email and comment to Christine Louis de Canonville and she’ll be in touch soon to help you get a copy of her book. Her website was down for a little bit but it’s back up now.
CHRISTINE LOUIS DE CANONVILLE
Hi Everybody, Christine here. You can purchase both my eBooks, “The Three Faces of Evil: Unmasking the full spectrum of narcissistic abuse” and “When Shame Begets Shame: How narcissists hurt and shame their victims” on my website: https://narcissisticbehavior.net/ If you want the hard copy of The Three Faces of Evil, you can contact me at cldec@hotmail.com and I can post it to you. Warmest regards. Christine
Lucky Stoller
Hi, Christine! I am an attorney presently living in Colorado but formerly I practiced in Los Angeles where I was born and raised. The number of narcissists drawn to the entertainment business–and to my own profession as well–was staggering. But, as you point out, they are everywhere. Here in Colorado, they tend to collect around evangelistic Christian churches. Using the church as cover, they unfortunately fool a lot of people and hurt many more. The information you are sharing is of vital importance to everyone who wants to stay emotionally healthy, especially since you will never see the narcissist in either of our offices, only those they have and are hurting. You are so right when you say that the victims need to know they are being victimized by someone else’s pathology. I was able to understand the phenomenon of narcissism early in life, having been born to a narcissistic mother and a spouse worshipping father. I am now 75 years old and the pieces of my emotional life are still falling into place as enlightened therapists like yourself are taking the lead in defining and sharing this complex information. ( Unfortunately, not soon enough to prevent millions of people from being sucked into voting for our present president, but hopefully this will change at the next election.) I have a question that no one has been able to answer and I wondered if you might be able to suggest an answer. It is: Do narcissists know they are a narcissists? Since I can’t hope they would ever want to change, after all, they get whatever they want or need but do they have any awareness of the illness they have from which only others suffer?
Melanie Vann
Hi Lucky – we’ve forwarded your comment to Christine. Thank you for listening and posting.
Kim Alexander
Thank you Christine for your insights.i have been to various councillors as I have intrinsically knows there is something in the hole of my gut that has eluded me as to why I continually go into the world loving and caring and always feeling depleted, unworthy and unloved. I see now I have been doing the dance to keep my family together and my husband “ happy” in the ways that have been important to him. I lost myself along the way . I have removed myself now from him however still lack the courage to finalise / end the relationship. He stills wants me back and says I should have more faith that he will change as me being away has made him aware of what he has lost. How I wish I could in the depth of my belly believe that it would all work out and we could have a mutually beneficial emotionally connected loving relationship. It is the letting go that is so very very hard . We have been through so much together . Immigrating fro South Africa to Australia with 3 and starting again at 42.That was 16 years ago. Gosh I could write and write and write … forgive me . I would love to buy a hard copy of your book and continue my research and continue to heal. Bless you Christine.