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146 – Jessica Fern – Polysecure: Attachment, Trauma and Consensual Nonmonogamy

“I think as therapists, there is no such thing as true neutrality, right?…The importance is knowing and owning your bias so that we can prevent it from doing harm.” ~Jessica Fern

Polyamory. Well, now that I have your attention…let’s get into it, shall we? Ohhh, y’all, this episode is meaty with material courtesy of the brilliant Jessica Fern, psychotherapist, coach, public speaker, relationship expert, and author. Her new book Polysecure: Attachment, Trauma and Consensual Nonmonogamy* explores healthy attachments through a refreshingly non-traditional lens. 

But hold up, monogamy-minded folks! You’ll want to pay close attention as insecure attachment styles can sabotage any relationship; we either feel safe and secure within them, within ourselves, or we don’t. 

We can, however, foster securely functioning relationships – no matter the number of participants. 

Still, too many therapists disregard the validity of monogamy, incorrectly citing it as a byproduct of childhood misattunement rather than a healthy way of being. Jessica points out that “people who are nonmonogamous are not doing nonmonogamy because they’re insecurely attached.” Instead, they’re committed to working at their relationships often with a therapist, a practice that many monogamous couples could learn from. 

There’s plenty more to my conversation with Jessica including definitions! acronyms! NARM talk! Awesome links! and everyone’s favorite healer questions! Give this one a listen no matter your preferred relationship style.

Jessica Fern is a psychotherapist, public speaker and trauma and relationship expert. In her international private practice, Jessica works with individuals, couples and people in multiple-partner relationships who no longer want to be limited by their reactive patterns, cultural conditioning, insecure attachment styles and past traumas, helping them to embody new possibilities in life and love. Jessica is the author of the book Polysecure: Attachment Trauma and NonMonogmamy and you can learn more about Jessica and her work at

*Affiliate link: 

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Authenticity, caring professions, community building, community healing, community inspiration, depression, healing humanity, helping others, mental health, mental illness, power to heal, Sarah Buino, Social Change, social issues, social justice, wounded healer


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