People ask so often: Do narcissists and other HIjackals know that they are being mean, difficult, coercive, dismissive, and more? You want to know. In this episode, I’ll lay it out and explain it all, ONCE AND FOR ALL. Listen and take it in because knowing this answer can change your relationship forever.
When you recognize what the narcissist or any other Hijackal does on purpose, you’ll be affirmed that what you are thinking IS what is happening. Hijackals like to keep you as isolated as possible. They want to have power over you, and they do that by causing you to second-guess yourself and think you really are as flawed as they insist you are. Nasty!
Do they know they are mean? Do they choose to be mean? Do they recognize the pain they cause? Find out in this episode
HIGHLIGHTS OF THIS EPISODE:

• Do narcissists hurt partners on purpose?
• Do narcissists plan to hurt you?
• Why a narcissist chooses to hurt
• How a narcissist choose who to hurt
• Why knowing this can change everything

I’m here to help. Let’s talk soon.Rhoberta
Introductory session for new clients only $97
FOLLOW DR. RHOBERTA SHALER…WEBSITE: https://www.EmergingEmpowered.comPODCAST: http://www.SaveYourSanityPodcast.comNEWSLETTER: http://www.HijackalHelp.comFACEBOOK: https://www.Facebook.com/RelationshipHelpDoctorINSTAGRAM: https://www.Instagram.com/DrRhobertaShalerYOUTUBE: https://www.youtube.com/ForRelationshipHelp————————————————————-I’M HERE TO HELP YOU FIGURE OUT WHAT’S GOING ON AND WHAT YOU WANT TO DO ABOUT IT!If you want to learn more, share, ask questions, and feel more powerful within yourself and your relationships,join my Emerging Empowered Community now.Off social media, safe discussion + videos + articles + webinars + 2 group Ask Me Anything calls + a monthly Sunday Seminar, AND online Emerging Empowered Journals with prompts each month!WOW! Join now. Dr. Shaler’s Emerging Empowered Community 
#donarcissistshurtonpurpose #howanarcissisthurtsme #doesanarcissistknow #narcissistsaware #hurtmeonpurpose #emotionalabuserecovery #emergingempowered #relationshipincrisis #personalitydisorders #hijackals #narcissist#signsofemotionalabuse #amibeingabused #toxicrelationships #narcissist #hijackal #emotionalabuse #narcissisticabuse Finding value in this content? Support us on Patreon.Support this show http://supporter.acast.com/hijackals-conflict-toxic-people-narcissist.
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Rigid thinking and what-about-ism are seriously linked. Know someone who is rigid in their thinking? They are RIGHT and that’s all there is to it? And, if you don’t agree with them, you’re wrong…and, that there is something wrong with you? Hijackals® do that! Even entertaining your thoughts or feelings for a hot second is not on their playlist. Learn how pervasive this is so that you can clearly see it happening and make good decisions about the relationship.
What-about-ism relates directly to rigid thinking. People who are narcissistic convince themselves that they hold the only true and right opinions, judgments, perspectives, and objectives. No one else is right. In this episode, I talk about why this is SO important to narcissistic Hijackals of all stripes. Do you recognize these in the relationship you have in mind just now?
HIGHLIGHTS OF THIS EPISODE:

• What rigid thinking is
• How rigid thinking shows up in a relationship with a narcissist
• Rigid thinking vs all-or-nothing thinking
• Why Hijackals need to believe they are right
• 11 ways rigid thinking shows up
• How what-about-ism relates to rigid thinking

I’m here to help. Let’s talk soon.Rhoberta
Introductory session for new clients only $97
FOLLOW DR. RHOBERTA SHALER…WEBSITE: https://www.EmergingEmpowered.comPODCAST: http://www.SaveYourSanityPodcast.comNEWSLETTER: http://www.HijackalHelp.comFACEBOOK: https://www.Facebook.com/RelationshipHelpDoctorINSTAGRAM: https://www.Instagram.com/DrRhobertaShalerYOUTUBE: https://www.youtube.com/ForRelationshipHelp————————————————————-I’M HERE TO HELP YOU FIGURE OUT WHAT’S GOING ON AND WHAT YOU WANT TO DO ABOUT IT!If you want to learn more, share, ask questions, and feel more powerful within yourself and your relationships,join my Emerging Empowered Community now.Off social media, safe discussion + videos + articles + webinars + 2 group Ask Me Anything calls + a monthly Sunday Seminar, AND online Emerging Empowered Journals with prompts each month!WOW! Join now. Dr. Shaler’s Emerging Empowered Community 
#whataboutism #whataboutery #rigidthinkingofnarcissists #mustberight #alwaysright #rigidthinkers #emotionalabuserecovery #emergingempowered #relationshipincrisis #personalitydisorders #hijackals #narcissist#signsofemotionalabuse #amibeingabused #toxicrelationships #narcissist #hijackal #emotionalabuse #narcissisticabuse Finding value in this content? Support us on Patreon.Support this show http://supporter.acast.com/hijackals-conflict-toxic-people-narcissist.
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Maybe, you’re too nice. You fawn. You’ll do anything to keep the peace…or, at least, sidestep potential rage if you can. Peace at any price, you may say. Maybe, you find yourself fawning. (Hear more about that in the episode, too!) Emotional abusers appreciate fawning. It’s easier for them and they don’t care about you. ESSENTIAL to see these dynamics clearly if they are playing out in any relationship in your life. When you do, you can take steps to change the patterns.
There’s nothing wrong with being nice, but TOO NICE can set you up for emotional abuse. Listen to the 10 Whys. Emotional abusers–Hijackals–are emotionally lazy, so they prefer people-pleasers who are already trained and groomed to defer to them and their views, wants, and demands.
HIGHLIGHTS OF THIS EPISODE:

• What happens when you’re taught to be too nice
• Why Hijackals® expect–and prefer–you to fawn over them
• What fawning is in a relationship with a narcissistic person
• 10 WHYS Emotional abusers prefer people-pleasers
• Unconscious habits of respond to people who are emotionally abusive

I’m here to help. Let’s talk soon.Rhoberta
Introductory session for new clients only $97
FOLLOW DR. RHOBERTA SHALER…WEBSITE: https://www.EmergingEmpowered.comPODCAST: http://www.SaveYourSanityPodcast.comNEWSLETTER: http://www.HijackalHelp.comFACEBOOK: https://www.Facebook.com/RelationshipHelpDoctorINSTAGRAM: https://www.Instagram.com/DrRhobertaShalerYOUTUBE: https://www.youtube.com/ForRelationshipHelp————————————————————-I’M HERE TO HELP YOU FIGURE OUT WHAT’S GOING ON AND WHAT YOU WANT TO DO ABOUT IT!If you want to learn more, share, ask questions, and feel more powerful within yourself and your relationships,join my Emerging Empowered Community now.Off social media, safe discussion + videos + articles + webinars + 2 group Ask Me Anything calls + a monthly Sunday Seminar, AND online Emerging Empowered Journals with prompts each month!WOW! Join now. Dr. Shaler’s Emerging Empowered Community 
#emotionalabusers #fawing #Idontmatter #fawningresponse #beingtoonice #tooaccommodating #emotionalabuserecovery #emergingempowered #relationshipincrisis #personalitydisorders #hijackals #narcissist#signsofemotionalabuse #amibeingabused #toxicrelationships #narcissist #hijackal #emotionalabuse #narcissisticabuse
Finding value in this content? Support us on Patreon.Support this show http://supporter.acast.com/hijackals-conflict-toxic-people-narcissist.
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Narcissistic people starve you in so many ways. Every now and again a narcissist–a Hijackal–is kind, offers a compliment, or shows interest in your feelings. THOSE ARE CRUMBS. You may be so starved that those crumbs feel like a feast. You make a big deal of it, and think the world has reset in your favor. NO! The Hijackal wants something from you and knows how to get it. It’s important to see this clearly.
Emotional malnutrition is real. Malnutrition is the state of you end up in when you live with constant deficiencies, excesses, and imbalances in your intake. You don’t get enough of what is life-giving and healthy. You get too much of what is depriving, degrading, and discounting. AND, nothing is every in a healthy state of balance. NOT GOOD ENOUGH!
HIGHLIGHTS OF THIS EPISODE:

• You find yourself starving for love, attention, acceptance, and validation
• Why you get used to breadcrumbs
• Why Hijackals will never engage in equality
• Have you made yourself into a pretzel to try to please a HIjackal®?
• Hijackals want you to be a doormat and then make you wrong for being one. Familiar?

I’m here to help. Let’s talk soon.Rhoberta
Introductory session for new clients only $97
FOLLOW DR. RHOBERTA SHALER…WEBSITE: https://www.EmergingEmpowered.comPODCAST: http://www.SaveYourSanityPodcast.comNEWSLETTER: http://www.HijackalHelp.comFACEBOOK: https://www.Facebook.com/RelationshipHelpDoctorINSTAGRAM: https://www.Instagram.com/DrRhobertaShalerYOUTUBE: https://www.youtube.com/ForRelationshipHelp————————————————————-I’M HERE TO HELP YOU FIGURE OUT WHAT’S GOING ON AND WHAT YOU WANT TO DO ABOUT IT!If you want to learn more, share, ask questions, and feel more powerful within yourself and your relationships,join my Emerging Empowered Community now.Off social media, safe discussion + videos + articles + webinars + 2 group Ask Me Anything calls + a monthly Sunday Seminar, AND online Emerging Empowered Journals with prompts each month!WOW! Join now. Dr. Shaler’s Emerging Empowered Community 
#emotionalmalnutrition #putdownbyanarcissist #settlingforless #takingabuse #speakinguptoabuse #notgoodenough #settlingforcrumbs#emotionalabuserecovery #emergingempowered #relationshipincrisis #personalitydisorders #hijackals #narcissist#signsofemotionalabuse #amibeingabused #toxicrelationships #narcissist #hijackal #emotionalabuse #narcissisticabuse

Finding value in this content? Support us on Patreon.Support this show http://supporter.acast.com/hijackals-conflict-toxic-people-narcissist.
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So infuriating! Endlessly frustrating! Trying to talk with a narcissistic person–or any Hijackal–can be crazy-making. It usually is if you dare to even remotely want to discuss the dynamics of your relationship. You’ve likely been upset my their purposeful misunderstanding of what you say, what you do, and what you want. Why do they do it? What can you do about it? Listen in.
Hijackals–those relentlessly difficult people who hijack relationships for their own needs–have to “on top” and “winning” all the time. That means that they are always on both the offensive and the defensive. One way they do that is to purposefully misunderstand what you say, do, need, and want. Their need to be right and have it there way means that you must be wrong. So, they purposefully misunderstand you in order for them to “win.” Or, think they did.
Figure this out and see it clearly now. It will save you headaches and heartaches.
HIGHLIGHTS OF THIS EPISODE:

• Misunderstanding you is convenient for them
• Misunderstanding you is a redirect of a conversation they don’t want to have
• 6 Ways narcissists purposefully misunderstand you
• 5 reasons why they purposefully misunderstand you
• What you can do when you see the pattern

I’m here to help. Let’s talk soon.Rhoberta
Introductory session for new clients only $97
FOLLOW DR. RHOBERTA SHALER…WEBSITE: https://www.EmergingEmpowered.comPODCAST: http://www.SaveYourSanityPodcast.comNEWSLETTER: http://www.HijackalHelp.comFACEBOOK: https://www.Facebook.com/RelationshipHelpDoctorINSTAGRAM: https://www.Instagram.com/DrRhobertaShalerYOUTUBE: https://www.youtube.com/ForRelationshipHelp————————————————————-I’M HERE TO HELP YOU FIGURE OUT WHAT’S GOING ON AND WHAT YOU WANT TO DO ABOUT IT!If you want to learn more, share, ask questions, and feel more powerful within yourself and your relationships,join my Emerging Empowered Community now.Off social media, safe discussion + videos + articles + webinars + 2 group Ask Me Anything calls + a monthly Sunday Seminar, AND online Emerging Empowered Journals with prompts each month!WOW! Join now. Dr. Shaler’s Emerging Empowered Community 
#purposefullymisunderstand #beingignoredbyanarcissist #narcissistchangesmywords #feelingmisunderstoodbyanarcissist#emotionalabuserecovery #emergingempowered #relationshipincrisis #personalitydisorders #hijackals #narcissist#signsofemotionalabuse #amibeingabused #toxicrelationships #narcissist #hijackal #emotionalabuse #narcissisticabuse Finding value in this content? Support us on Patreon.Support this show http://supporter.acast.com/hijackals-conflict-toxic-people-narcissist.
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Are you exhausted by running after pleasing someone who seems dedicated to never being pleased? That’s WALKING ON EGGSHELLS. That’s the game. You do everything as right as you think they want it, and you are never rewarded by getting it right. Sound Familiar? 
Narcissists and other Hijackals are looking for power, and one way they think works for this (because it usually does) is by withholding approval. That makes you run faster, they hope. Join me and find out how to stop getting your exercise on the Hijackal treadmill! .
Hijackals® want you to always feel not good enough, less than in as many ways as possible. Narcissists want to feel more powerful, more in control, and more important than you every minute. So, it leads to you walking on eggshells…and, that’s not good.
HIGHLIGHTS OF THIS EPISODE:

• Why walking on eggshells is SO exhausting
• You try to make things better, and they don’t
• 7 signs you’re walking on eggshells
• Why narcissists want you to feel not good enough
• Why getting your exercise by walking on eggshells needs to be unacceptable

I’m here to help. Let’s talk soon.Rhoberta
Introductory session for new clients only $97
FOLLOW DR. RHOBERTA SHALER…WEBSITE: https://www.EmergingEmpowered.comPODCAST: http://www.SaveYourSanityPodcast.comNEWSLETTER: http://www.HijackalHelp.comFACEBOOK: https://www.Facebook.com/RelationshipHelpDoctorINSTAGRAM: https://www.Instagram.com/DrRhobertaShalerYOUTUBE: https://www.youtube.com/ForRelationshipHelp————————————————————-I’M HERE TO HELP YOU FIGURE OUT WHAT’S GOING ON AND WHAT YOU WANT TO DO ABOUT IT!If you want to learn more, share, ask questions, and feel more powerful within yourself and your relationships,join my Emerging Empowered Community now.Off social media, safe discussion + videos + articles + webinars + 2 group Ask Me Anything calls + a monthly Sunday Seminar, AND online Emerging Empowered Journals with prompts each month!WOW! Join now. Dr. Shaler’s Emerging Empowered Community 
#walkingoneggshells #feelingnotgoodenough #allowedtobreathe #feelingdiscounted #myfeelingsdontmatter#emotionalabuserecovery #emergingempowered #relationshipincrisis #personalitydisorders #hijackals #narcissist#signsofemotionalabuse #amibeingabused #toxicrelationships #narcissist #hijackal #emotionalabuse #narcissisticabuse Finding value in this content? Support us on Patreon.Support this show http://supporter.acast.com/hijackals-conflict-toxic-people-narcissist.
Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Healthy relationships have equality, reciprocity, and mutuality. Toxic relationships do not. You will be coping tooooo much, and in balance tooooo little.Does that sound familiar? You could be giving your life away to a narcissist with nothing but promises in return. Listen in to this episode and find out what’s true for you.
To cope is defined as “to deal effectively with something” (Oxford) or to “deal with and attempt to overcome problems and difficulties.” When you have to do that ALL the time because you’re with a person, partner, or parent who demands it, it’s exhausting. Sure, we can cope with emergencies. That’s normal and healthy. BUT, COPING all the time? NOOOOOO! That’s what it feels like when you’re with a narcissistic Hijackal, right? Everything is an emergency that you have to deal with: their emergencies, needs, demands, or directives.
HIGHLIGHTS OF THIS EPISODE:

• Why coping is an interim strategy, NOT a lifestyle
• When you find yourself running to please someone else, you can lose yourself
• Why it’s important to see the narcissistic behavior clearly
• Hijackals don’t change except for a hot minute when they want something from you
• Identify if you are exhausted from coping with a narcissist for years

I’m here to help. Let’s talk soon.Rhoberta
Introductory session for new clients only $97
FOLLOW DR. RHOBERTA SHALER…WEBSITE: https://www.EmergingEmpowered.comPODCAST: http://www.SaveYourSanityPodcast.comNEWSLETTER: http://www.HijackalHelp.comFACEBOOK: https://www.Facebook.com/RelationshipHelpDoctorINSTAGRAM: https://www.Instagram.com/DrRhobertaShalerYOUTUBE: https://www.youtube.com/ForRelationshipHelp————————————————————-I’M HERE TO HELP YOU FIGURE OUT WHAT’S GOING ON AND WHAT YOU WANT TO DO ABOUT IT!If you want to learn more, share, ask questions, and feel more powerful within yourself and your relationships,join my Emerging Empowered Community now.Off social media, safe discussion + videos + articles + webinars + 2 group Ask Me Anything calls + a monthly Sunday Seminar, AND online Emerging Empowered Journals with prompts each month!WOW! Join now. Dr. Shaler’s Emerging Empowered Community 
#copingisexhausting #narcissistisdemanding #hijackalisdemanding #copingskillsexhausted #copingistoomuch #emotionalabuserecovery #emergingempowered #relationshipincrisis #personalitydisorders #hijackals#signsofemotionalabuse #amibeingabused #toxicrelationships #narcissist #hijackal #emotionalabuse Finding value in this content? Support us on Patreon.Support this show http://supporter.acast.com/hijackals-conflict-toxic-people-narcissist.
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SO FRUSTRATING! When you are with a narcissist or any kind of a Hijackal, you know that they use these three tactics to avoid taking responsibility for their actions. Hijackals hate accountability, and will do anything to squirm out of it. They lie, delay, and deny. But why?
You likely have many ideas about why and I wanted to give you others. Hopefully, these insights will help you to see the depth of the insecurity and instability that is basic to narcissistic people. Yes, they don’t seem insecure but they are. They often cover it well with arrogance and entitlement, however, it’s still there and operating under the surface.
HIGHLIGHTS OF THIS EPISODE:

• Narcissistic people need to put on a good show…and a false front
• Why lying, delaying, and denying helps narcissists and other Hijackals think they are in control and have power over you.
• The futility of thinking that narcissistic people will change
• The infuriating denial to make themselves right
• What’s up with the plausible lies and plausibe denials

I’m here to help. Let’s talk soon.Rhoberta
Introductory session for new clients only $97
FOLLOW DR. RHOBERTA SHALER…WEBSITE: https://www.EmergingEmpowered.comPODCAST: http://www.SaveYourSanityPodcast.comNEWSLETTER: http://www.HijackalHelp.comFACEBOOK: https://www.Facebook.com/RelationshipHelpDoctorINSTAGRAM: https://www.Instagram.com/DrRhobertaShalerYOUTUBE: https://www.youtube.com/ForRelationshipHelp————————————————————-I’M HERE TO HELP YOU FIGURE OUT WHAT’S GOING ON AND WHAT YOU WANT TO DO ABOUT IT!If you want to learn more, share, ask questions, and feel more powerful within yourself and your relationships,join my Emerging Empowered Community now.Off social media, safe discussion + videos + articles + webinars + 2 group Ask Me Anything calls + a monthly Sunday Seminar, AND online Emerging Empowered Journals with prompts each month!WOW! Join now. Dr. Shaler’s Emerging Empowered Community 
#narcissistslie #narcissistlies #narcissistdenies #narcissistdelays #narcissistscontrol #controllingthenarrative #plausiblelies#emotionalabuserecovery #emergingempowered #relationshipincrisis #personalitydisorders #hijackals#signsofemotionalabuse #amibeingabused #toxicrelationships #narcissist #hijackal #emotionalabuse Finding value in this content? Support us on Patreon.Support this show http://supporter.acast.com/hijackals-conflict-toxic-people-narcissist.
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It’s tempting. You may think you’re being “nice.” After a while, you’re doing all the giving. Then, it’s exhausting!
Why does this dynamic happen? Why does it persist? What can you do to stop it? Listen in.
In the beginning of a relationship with a narcissist, you may think you’ve found your perfect, ideal, longed for mater. Things shift. Things sour. Things take a turn and the narcissist–Hijackal®–wants more and more while they give less and less. All the while, the narcissist also becomes more demanding. Does this sound familiar?
You can give everything you have in every possible way and it may never be enough, or good enough, to please a narcissist because they believe in withholding love and approval. Sad. Nasty. That’s why you’ll want to gain clarity by listening to this episode.

HIGHLIGHTS OF THIS EPISODE:

• Narcissistic people give FAR LESS than they take, especially in emotional real estate.
• Recognizing that you are doing all the work.
• Giving up being hooked on hope that a narcissist will change, a HIjackal will change
• Taking back your energy and reclaiming your power

I’m here to help. Let’s talk soon.Rhoberta
Introductory session for new clients only $97
FOLLOW DR. RHOBERTA SHALER…WEBSITE: https://www.EmergingEmpowered.comPODCAST: http://www.SaveYourSanityPodcast.comNEWSLETTER: http://www.HijackalHelp.comFACEBOOK: https://www.Facebook.com/RelationshipHelpDoctorINSTAGRAM: https://www.Instagram.com/DrRhobertaShalerYOUTUBE: https://www.youtube.com/ForRelationshipHelp————————————————————-I’M HERE TO HELP YOU FIGURE OUT WHAT’S GOING ON AND WHAT YOU WANT TO DO ABOUT IT!If you want to learn more, share, ask questions, and feel more powerful within yourself and your relationships,join my Emerging Empowered Community now.Off social media, safe discussion + videos + articles + webinars + 2 group Ask Me Anything calls + a monthly Sunday Seminar, AND online Emerging Empowered Journals with prompts each month!WOW! Join now. Dr. Shaler’s Emerging Empowered Community 
#goingtheextramile #doingtoomuchforanarcissist #cateringtoanarcissist #narcissistexpectstoomuch #narcissistwithholds #emotionalabuserecovery #emergingempowered #relationshipincrisis #personalitydisorders #hijackals#signsofemotionalabuse #amibeingabused #toxicrelationships #narcissist #hijackal #emotionalabuse Finding value in this content? Support us on Patreon.Support this show http://supporter.acast.com/hijackals-conflict-toxic-people-narcissist.
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Yes, narcissistic people are self-centered, but does the reverse hold true? Are self-centered people always narcissistic? Important distinctions here that can help you understand the troubling folks in your life. Or, do you think it’s a distinction without a difference? Listen in and see what you discover. 
In this episode, I offer you ten ways to see the differences between self-centered people and narcissistic people. These ten distinctions can be VERY helpful if you’re wondering whether to stay in a relationship with a partner, parent, sibling, or friend, or to break away. That’s valuable! HINT: One of them can and will change, the other? Not at all likely!
We’re all self-centered at some time…or wishing we could be. There’s nothing wrong with wanting to have your turn in the sun. The operant word, though is “turn.” Hijackals want to have all the “turns,” right?
HIGHLIGHTS OF THIS EPISODE:

• 10 ways self-centered people are different than narcissistic people
• Why it is important to see the distinctions between self-centered and narcissistic people
• The part empathy plays in the distinctions
• When there is entitlement, it changes the dynamic

I’m here to help. Let’s talk soon.Rhoberta
Introductory session for new clients only $97
FOLLOW DR. RHOBERTA SHALER…WEBSITE: https://www.EmergingEmpowered.comPODCAST: http://www.SaveYourSanityPodcast.comNEWSLETTER: http://www.HijackalHelp.comFACEBOOK: https://www.Facebook.com/RelationshipHelpDoctorINSTAGRAM: https://www.Instagram.com/DrRhobertaShalerYOUTUBE: https://www.youtube.com/ForRelationshipHelp————————————————————-I’M HERE TO HELP YOU FIGURE OUT WHAT’S GOING ON AND WHAT YOU WANT TO DO ABOUT IT!If you want to learn more, share, ask questions, and feel more powerful within yourself and your relationships,join my Emerging Empowered Community now.Off social media, safe discussion + videos + articles + webinars + 2 group Ask Me Anything calls + a monthly Sunday Seminar, AND online Emerging Empowered Journals with prompts each month!WOW! Join now. Dr. Shaler’s Emerging Empowered Community 
#selcenteredvsnarcissistic #selfabsorbed #narcissistic #differencebetweenselfcenteredandnarcissistic #empathy #entitled #entitlment #emotionalabuserecovery #emergingempowered #relationshipincrisis #personalitydisorders #hijackals#signsofemotionalabuse #amibeingabused #toxicrelationships #narcissist #hijackal #emotionalabuse
Finding value in this content? Support us on Patreon.Support this show http://supporter.acast.com/hijackals-conflict-toxic-people-narcissist.
Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.