We are flawed human beings. We make small and big mistakes. It is difficult to admit that we are wrong. It takes dropping our egos and acknowledging that we were in error. If we hurt someone emotionally as a result of our mistakes and insensitivities and our inner turmoil, it takes humility and insight to say: “I was wrong, I am sorry tht I caused you to suffer. It is not your fault; it is mine. I take responsibility for my words and actions.” When we are able to get past our always having to be right and beyond long held humiliations, we can admit being wrong, communicate this to the person we have hurt and move forward. It is freeing and rewarding to know that we are capable of self redemption, putting the ego aside and choosing self truth. 

Narcissists cannot admit they are wrong. He/she is driven by an ego inflated sense of self. His/her burnished golden image represents the delusional reality of his making. This is their sine qua non. No exceptions.

Narcissists don’t let the truth get in their way. It is an obstacle unfamiliar to them. Golden child narcissists have been manufacturing their own truth since early childhood. Their versions are immutable, as real to them as the turning of the earth on its axis, the rhythms of sea tides, the predictable phases of the moon. 

High level narcissists are dupicitious. They demand unreachable perfection from others and the constant delivery of narcissistic supplies: praise, aduldation, blind loyalty, veneration—yet they constantly attack our thought processes, motivations, emotional responses and purposely harm us psychologically every single day. Their lack of a developed conscience keeps them from viewing themselves realistically.

Eventually, you become receptive toyour moments of repeated insights, along with your in-depth research about the true nature of the narcissistic personality. This is the time of reckoning. Your days are turning around; you are on the road of psychological redemption.  Hold on to the golden cord of your intuitive insights, the diligence of your research and your courageous, strong, fine character. 

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The high level narcissist is a projection machine. Rather than internalizing, introspecting or encouraging insight, the high level narcissist is always in the process of externalization. He/she is either basking in his perfection or plotting the next move that will weaken, topple or destroy a real or imagined enemy. 

Projection is an unconscious defense mechanism an individual uses to protect himself/herself from intolerable feelings of worthlessness, self loathing and forbidden impulses. The high level narcissist is continually projecting his/her venom on to others. This is particularly painful and harmful to his family—spouses, partners and children.

Learn to deflect the high level narcissist’s projections. This person is constantly externalizing, reeling out one trajectory after another. You cannot control the narcissist’s impulses but you can be in command of yourelf. A daily practice of stilling the mind and gentle forms of yoga that emphasize focus on the breath provide a steady mental and psychological foundation. These practices are thousands of years old and have served yogis and laymen in a profound way. Learn to access the parasympathetic nervous system. that part of yourself that is calm, relaxed, at peace. A master acupuncturist whom I know reminds her patients: “let yourself go down and settle.” She is speaking about the innate part of ourselves that naturally seeks peace in the body, mind and psyche. 

Get the rest and sleep that you deserve. Practice diaphragmatic breathing that puts you in the parasympathetic mode of calming and restoration. 

Minimize contact with high level narcissists. This is a tall order since many people in positions of power and influence are narcissistic personalities. If you have to be in their presence, try to be in the company of someone else whom you trust. Being alone is the best opportunity for the high level narcissist to pounce. When the projection comes, remind yourself that this shred of debris is emerging out of him/her. It does not belong to you. Beneath it all, the narcissist is a coward—hitting others when they are down, feeding off of vulnerabilities and weaknesses, setting baits and traps that will harm and disrupt other individuals. These people are despicable. 

With today’s narcissistic society giving them a pass, because so many of them are successful in the world, look to yourself. 

You are not alone, I hear from those who have been victimized by these predators and have prevailed over them. 

The wise philosopher Lao-tsu states the truth clearly: “He who controls others may be powerful, but he who has mastered himself is mightier still.” 

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Some of our greatest challenges are narcissistic personalities within our families. The first move is to learn to recognize these individuals as narcissistic personality disorders who are not going to change. 

When you do the research, you learn to recognize the narcissist within your own family. It is not unusual for other family members to make excuses for their cruel, dismissive and outright abusive behaviors. I have known of family situations where one individual knows the truth about the narcissists in their family and shares this information. Many who go along to get along and put up with their cruel psychopathology, are fearful to assert themselves. 

They berate the one person who is holding the truth. If one individual out of thousands knows the truth, it is still the truth. We live in a time of narcissistic delusion. 

People are blinded by the burnished image that the narcissist perpetuates, his/her incandescent  “charm”, all of the unfulfilled promises he/she makes.  

I have known of a number of family members who, despite all of the pressure placed on them, severed the relationship with this toxic individual. They were castigated, criticized and thought to be strange by other family members but insisted on their truth.   

Put yourself first and keep a distance from the narcissistic family member.  In some instances it can be necessary to go very low or no contact with these individuals. 

Trust what you know is true. Practice the self care that you deserve. Sleep, rest, spending time with Nature, accessing your unique creativity, appreciating who you are as a valuable unique individual. 

 

 

At times the earth feels unsteady beneath our pscyhological feet. We experience uncertainties, even fears and trepidationss that haunt us in wakefulness and sleep.

In moments of confuson and  uncertainty it is particularly helpful to view ourselves with objectivity and compassion.  

Those who are healing and restoring themselves after their stressful and traumatic experienes with narcissistic partners and spouses and growing up in narcissistic families, are called to take steps to bring about their emotional and psychophysical balance.  You deserve this renewal of your true, original self. 

Honor yourself physcially, psychologically and spiritually by practicing self care each day: rest, sleep, movement and exercise in the ways that work best for you. Perform basic yoga poses like child’s pose that gently stretches your muscles, calms your nervous system and puts you in the restorative parasympathetic mode. 

This is your moment of independence and transformation. 

Keep company with yourself: get to know and appreciate who you are as an individual. Take time for your solitude, restfulness, creative pursuits, experiences of Beauty. 

Trust your deep wisdom and intuition. 

 

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The high level narcissist has mastered a very smooth act: false, cunning, acquisitive and very greedy. 

Psychologically empty inside, he/she is always searching for more while he treats others without mercy or respect. 

The greediest are the have mores and the have mosts who are perpetually in acquisitive mode. They go after what you have–investments, properties, residences, businesses, valuable possessions, trusts, works of art. 

They feed off of your creativity and steal your projects–all the while leading you to believe that they are collaborating and contributing to your success.

High level narcissists are not team players. This is a pretense, a strategy, a ruse, a well honed act to gain your trust and ultimately control you and the products of your unique creativity.

No matter how much they have, for the high level narcissist, it is never enough. The fever of covetousness rises with every acquisition. You cannot win with these individuals if you stay partnered with them unless you are willing to become their psychological prisoners. Some who remain aligned with the high level narcissist are in a state of deep delusion. 

The high level doesn’t care if you are left with nothing. They get what they want, discard you and move on to the next shiny prize. 

There is great hope and promise for those who remain steady in their grounded fine characters, steady and risng in their creative gifts. 

You are entitled to honor yourself as an individual: self care each day: rest, sleep, Nature’s beauty, joy of music, exercise your way, activation of your unique creativity. 

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The high level narcissist is a towering, talented, conquering hero, another Alexander the Great. Everyone seeks his/her counsel. Exalted to high positions of power, influence and prestige, everyone seeks their counsel. They are anointed, even considered holy. 

Convinced of his perfection and superiority, the high level flies high with an extraordinary sense of self entitlement and delusional grandiosity. 

They obsessively brag about their accomplishments, becoming increasingly manic with each achievement–a bloated ego on full display. 

There is a shameless hypocrisy that is part of this identity. Their delusions of grandeur and perfection are limitless. 

Their obsessive focus is always on themselves: what they are entitled to have, whom they will control, how much money and power they will acquire, how to defeat their competitors and enemies–real and imagined-while maintaining an impeccable persona.

You are actually partnered with or married to a petulant child. The narcissistic personality is psychologically regressed to the age of two. Me, Me, Me is the constant word. Temper tantrums and outrageous demands are the theme when they don’t get exactly what they want on the spot. Two year olds go through a period of separating out from their parent and asserting themselves and insisting they are independent. Eventually the young child moves through this phase as he or she becomes more rational and capable of viewing themselves realistically. The narcissist never leaves this developmental phase. He/she is stuck psychologically in toddlerhood.

Microscopically light on conscience describes the narcissist’s lack of a moral compass. Having a solid conscience takes work and moral discernment. Those with a conscience think about the welfare of others and question themselves about moral and ethical issues.

Being light on conscience accelerates the narcissist’s movement up the steps of power, influence and control.

Don’t wait for the high level narcissist to be held accountable for his/her malicious transgressions, constant lies. They have abused others, including their children in word and deed.

Arrogantly striding the upper echelons of the power pecking order, the high level learned how to escape by blaming others, especially those who are vulnerable and willing to take the heat for them. 

Your time of re-awakening has arrived. You now understand the true nature of the high level narcissist and begin your movement forward to separate out of this narcissistic abuse. 

You start by putting yourself first with self care: rest, sleep, eating nourishing food, good hydration, movement and exercise your way, listening to beautiful music, spending time with Nature and using your many creative gifts. 

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You can’t fall asleep at night; you are anxious; your mind is racing, You listen to your thoughts and wonder when you will get respite. Morning comes and you face extreme fatigue.  Exhaustion has a pain of its own, a feeling of weakness that is relentless. Finally, you face the day and wonder if your strength and stamina will ever return. 

You are distracted and miserable most of the time. Your gut is out of whack. You feel gnawing vulnerabilities—raw fear. On top of this is the dark presence, the horrific shadow side of the high level narcissist. What you know for sure is that eventually he/she starts screaming at you, picking you apart in a low voice filled with derision and mocking. One of his/her favorites is humiliating you. Humiliation is one of the worst sensations we can experience. It is intolerable; we squirm inside, we feel small and want to disappear, to become invisible. 

These cruelties visited on you by the high level are a regular feature, wearing you thin, jangling your nervous system, causing anxiety and panic. For some, re-activating their childhood trauma. 

This is particularly alarming since your narcissistic partner/spouse doesn’t give a damn about you or your well being. In fact he is incensed that you are ill and pulling him/her down. You are bad for his image. Having a partner who is not “Up” all the time is very unappealing. The flawless narcissist despises your chronic exhaustion and uses every opportunity to deride and abandon you. 

Gradually, you are moving through the exhaustion, feeling the beginnings of strength. You do research and develop a clear understanding of the high level narcissist. 

With time and an inner resolve and connection with a few individuals whom you trust you know that in order to heal and restore your psychological and physical health you need to move along your own recovery pathways that activate the restorative, parasympathetic body/mind systems, daily self care: rest, sleep, pure nutrition, good hydration, Nature’s healing gifts, the use of your unique creativity, your form of spiritual practice: basic restorative yoga, stretching, exercise your way.  Another phenomental gift of restoration: listening to beautiful music that moves inside with its beauty and promise of renewal, strength and transformation, the fullness of your original true self. 

Narcissistic mothers are non-parents. They are incapable of emotional and psychological intimacy. They cannot attach and bond with their children appropriately. They use their children as puppets to mirror them perfectly. 

At some point you know that your mother cannot and will not and did not fulfill your deepest needs. This is a time of reckoning when you know that you must act for yourself and learn to nourish and take care of yourself first. This is not selfish; it is essential.

This self healing begins with small steps. Get the sleep and rest that you need and deserve. Eat nourishing food, organic if you can, that keeps you healthy and strong. Develop a spiritual practice using your definition, turn to Nature, the great healer and source of great beauty, experience the solitude of your own company, listen to music that appeals to you and moves you into the parasympathetic restorative mode, move and exercise in the way that works for you. 

Be very kind to the small child inside of you. You are a wonderful individual: empathic, persevering,  resourceful, authentic, creative. 

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 High level narcissists have raised telling elaborate lies to a dark art form. They repeat their lies with emphasis and convincing delivery. The audience is immersed in his/her “story” and the way it is delivered. The narcissist’s nonverbals are impeccable: tone of voice, great eye contact, pseudo empathy.

The high level narcissist appears to be warm and caring. These individuals are so sure of themselves that they have no hesitation. 

The high level makes comments like: “You and I have a lot in common.” “We understand one another.” “I am looking out for you.”

Lies of omission and commission are all part of their performance, their act. 

High level narcissists don’t tire from lying; it is their sustenance. It maintains their power over others. 

You cannot trust someone who is lying to you.  

You are evolving all of the time. This process is not a straight line; it is a process.  

Give yourself tremendous credit for being a person of character and compassion. You are that unique individual that always strives to do the right thing, especially when no one is watching. It is in the deep inner self that you feel the peace of your authenticity and integrity. 

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Empaths are unique individuals who are often misunderstood. As babies and small children they learn that they are unlike other family members. Some children are accepted and respected but this attitude tends to be the exception. Empaths have a heightened sense of perception. They are highly sensitive to loud noises, large crowds and social events. 

Empaths are seekers of the truth and have keen insights and intuitions. The society and even within their families, these gifts are not accepted and valued. Rather the empath is treated like a person who is odd, pecular, someone who doesn’t fit in. 

Empath Special Care Practice

Protecting Your Sleep and Rest:

“Sleep that knits up the raveled sleave of care, sore labor’s bath. Balm of hurt minds, great nature’s second course. Chief nourisher in life’s feast.” William Shakespeare

Honor your sleep – Don’t let others, especially demandig individuals interfere with your sleep. The great healer is sleep, a profound activity that we are designed for. Sleep is part of all human and animal species. It nourishes and restores every system: skeletal, muscular, repiratory, cardiovascular, digestive, reproductive, endocrine, lymphatic and the mitochrondria in every cell. 

We are created to follow the natural daylight and night—to sleep when darkness comes at night and to awaken when the sun rises and radiates in the sky throughout the day. 

Sleep protects and strengthens the immune system, restores our vital energy and decreases inflammation. In sleep the unconscious speaks, bringing us dreams that are mysterious, healing and insightful. We are often daunted by the meaning of our dreams. Nevertheless, they are invaluable although often inscrutable.

In many cultures for hundreds of years the habit of taking a rest has been part of a daily routine. Rest offers physical, psychological and emotional refreshment. Having the freedom to think in quiet, to enjoy one’s solitude and creativity is a very pleasant activity. This gives us a feeling of well-being. It offers a great opportunity to move into the parasympathetic nervous system, the restorative, healing mode. 

Protecting Your Psychological Boundaries

Respecting your personal boundaries is an essential part of your positive self-entitlement to inner peace. Recognize that yu can say “No” to the narcissist who is constantly making outrageous demands, lying to you, projecting venomous rage. Developing a strong sense of self-regard is essential to eatablishing and maintaining boundaries. Separating out of the narcissist’s delusion world you move forward along your unique individual pathways of psychological and creative development.

Setting Your Personal Pace: Each individual has a natural tempo, a way of moving that is unique to them. As a child, spouse or partner of a high level narcissist you spent many years dancing to their choreography. High level narcissists are often peripetetic—they never stop moving. You have been trying to keep up with their rapid pace and constant demands for too many years. This is your time your space, your pace. Enjoy the dance!

Spend time with Nature, her beauty and Inspiration: We are part of Nature. It showers us with gifts of magnificent beauty. Nature is a home for our solitude, an inspiration for creative thinking, a companion that inspires, nourishes, calms and delights us. 

Developing Your Unique Routine: Daily routines that you crative are motivating, creative, healing and restorative. 

Decide on your priorities, try different schedules, chose activities that appeal to you. Leave room for flexibility. Don’t be judgmental. There are no mistakes in choosing the elements of your routine. Enjoy your choices. Honor your unique needs, wishes, energy levels, deep interests, appreciation of beauty, the manifestation of your singular individuality.

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