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I know that the idea of being broken sounds like a tragic thing, especially if it is a bone or cell phone. However, I am here to say that brokenness is one of the best things that could happen to a human being. Rumi once said that “You have to keep breaking your heart until it opens.” We humans are a complicated bunch and pride is the very thing that keeps us from being broken. Nowadays, image is such an important thing for people to keep up. Sadly, this way of thinking is distorted and destructive. If you look at the tiny writing on the side view mirror of your Toyota, it says “images in the mirror may be closer than they appear.” Image is regularly distorted and often found to be false.

When it comes to learning any skill or lesson, there is much to be debated about which method would achieve the most desired approach. Edward Lee Thorndike, the noted American psychologist responsible for laying the framework for modern educational psychology had many theories and one I find to be particularly effective and valid. According to his S-R Bond Theory, drill or practice helps in increasing efficiency and durability of learning. Essentially, in laymen’s terms, practice makes perfect. Now I would not promote any human effort as being perfect, yet the act of consistent repetition does increase skill level dramatically over time. As a trained martial artist, I am reminded of a lesson my old Master taught years ago that still resounds with me today. One evening while practicing a certain series of movements, he became quite frustrated at the constant mistakes that the entire class kept repeating. He sat us down and told us about when he first began learning martial arts in China back in the fifties. As an American who spoke only English, the barrier to learning was as high as the Great Wall of China itself. He explained that since he could not effectively communicate orally with his teacher, the only way was to observe the movements and repeat what he was shown. Of course, this was a different culture and time in history which included being stuck with a bamboo stick when the example was not followed. I am not saying that I agree or disagree with this harsh style, but my teacher did make a very good point about the learning through observation and repetition. At first, he was clumsy and got “punished” frequently. However, over time his skill improved just by doing the same proper technique over and over. He got struck with a weapon less often and the movement began to become natural to him. Eventually, he didn’t even have to think at all about what he was doing, the movements became as natural to him as driving a car or tying his shoe. Given that he was learning combat skills, the ability to act in a moments notice without having to think was imperative to survival. Most new undertakings don’t have the same possible life or death consequences but the principle in the learning style rings true. When I was 17 and traded my first car to someone for his but forgot that his was a five speed manual transmission. He dropped it off and we signed the title, yet I forgot that I had no idea how to drive it. In my enthusiasm for a “new” car, this major detail escaped my rational thought process. Fortunately for me, my mother learned to drive on an old stick shift Mustang and could teach me how. If you have ever learned this useful but somewhat archaic skill, the beginning is the “grind em until you find em” stage. The miracle is the fact that the transmission didn’t fall out from the jerking and grinding of metal gears for many painful hours. My mom probably still has a slight headache all these years later. However, eventually from repetition and consistent practice, the ability has now become as unconscious to me as breathing. I still drive a stick shift to this day and it is effortless and comes without the headache for my fellow passengers.   I believe that Dr. Thorndike was correct when he proposed, tested, and submitted this theory on educational psychology. Inversely, he also states that what is not repeated tends to dissipate. Returning to my martial arts training is a perfect example. I spent many years practicing the movements that my teacher taught me, but due ti injury and changing life responsibilities, practice reduced until it ended all together. I know that if I returned to the school, some ability would still be there, but just as an axe that isn’t sharpened, so is a martial artist without practice. If one doesn’t use it, he loses it. Perhaps not completely, but to a large degree with the passing of time. To improve, one must wash, rinse, and repeat regularly or risk deterioration

Have you ever noticed that people attempt to keep you in the gutter where you once were? We are left with a choice when the attack of jealousy enters our camp. We can let it burn our God-given purpose to the ground. However, if we want to rise up from where we came from, we can use at as fuel to light a fire that no man can extinguish. When we begin to turn a corner and start doing something different the haters begin their battle cry for blood. Our old patterns were predictable to them and as long as we stayed in our cage, they didn’t have to look at the things they would like to change but are too afraid of. Jealousy is rooted in fear of coming to terms with self and manifests in hatred, assumption, and anger. Historical texts and events are strewn with many examples of how jealousy destroyed some and lifted others higher. Cain killed Abel because he was jealous of his brother’s standing with God as righteous. America’s Revolutionary War was laced in jealousy. The early colonists wanted freedom from British rule and the British wanted control and  “their stuff.” Even Satan himself was once the most regarded angel in Heaven but wanted to sit in his Creator’s seat and thus, was cast down to Hell. The story of the Prodigal Son paints a vivid picture of this. The disobedient son, selfish and self-centered, wanted his inheritance immediately. His father gave it to him and he was off to spend it on booze, women, and pleasure. Until, one day he found himself broke, dirty, and desperate living in an actual pig pen. This “rock bottom” circumstance led him to come to his senses and return home, regardless of how he might be turned away for his behavior. Every day since the son left, his father waited for the son to return until that  perfect day when he saw him walking toward home. The elderly father got up and ran to meet him. He held no record of his son’s disrespectful actions and ordered the best robe to be placed around him. He placed his ring on the son’s finger as a sign that he was still his son and he loved him above all the wrongs he had committed. He called for a feast to celebrate. This is where jealousy crept in. The other son who stayed home and obeyed his father got angry. How could you give him the best robe, ring, and have the prize calf slaughtered for the feast? I have always done right , he is the bad one. The Father loved each son equally, but the “good” one failed to see it due to his own pride and ego. How could you celebrate for this screwup? The father celebrated for his one son, once lost in darkness, for he was now being brought into the light. Victor Hugo wrote one of the greatest pieces of classic literature ever, Les Misersbles. The main character, Jean Valjean was a prisoner at the beginning  of the story. He was sentenced to 19 years in jail for stealing a loaf of bread to feed his family. The commander of the prison, Inspector Javert, always had it out for Valjean. After he was released, Javert made it his life mission to prove that Valjean could never change and attempted to sabotage him everywhere he went. Valejean went on to build a good life, become a mayor, and a respected pillar of the community. The inspector’s jealousy fueled his burning desire to prove he was right and Valjean would always be a thief. Until one day many years later, Valjean had the chance to kill Javert but showed him mercy and grace instead.  Immediately, upon learning he was pursuing the wrong thing all these years, he committed suicide. He couldn’t accept the fact that he was wrong and that a man can change, regardless what he has done in the past. Jealousy will destroy the person consumed by it. Human nature hasn’t change since the first man walked the Earth. Adam and Eve walked with God in Eden, and it was perfect. They were given free will and one rule…don’t eat from that one tree. However, we know how the story ended. At the root, they were envious that God was God and they weren’t. For a brief moment, the temptation to “bend” the rule came along with curiosity, and we have been trying to get back to the Garden ever since. Evil entered the picture along with its symptoms of pride, jealousy, and anger to name a few, and little has changed since. Regardless of what you have done in your past, you still have a future. If you woke up today, your life purpose isn’t fulfilled and you are still here for a reason. Even our closest friends and family will sometimes criticize us when they see us climbing out of the hole that we dug through our own poor choices and decisions. We slip off the ladder when we waste time engaging with these people. We can love them and wish them well, but in order to move forward sometimes we cannot allow certain folks to join on our journey. One negative influence can pull us off the balance beam that we are now walking. Just remember, how others react to your success or your failures has little to do with you and everything to do with them. For too long you have been listening to what others think about you. As long as you aren’t harming anyone, be you and do it unapologetically. They may try to bring up the past but you don’t live there anymore. Moses murdered, Noah got drunk, David had an affair, and God still used them to do great things. In fact, He does his best work with broken things. Allowing yourself to be humbled by your circumstances allows God to do a great work within you, if you let him. If they are jealous and talking about you consider it a compliment for they are more interested in your blessings than the ones in their own lives. Are you going to allow the heat of jealousy to destroy you or mold you? The hotter the fire, the brighter the beacon. Shine bright!

Chapter Twenty Two of the book of Proverbs in the Old Testament states  to “train up a child in the way he should go and when he is old he will not depart from it.” This sentence is loaded with wisdom beyond the surface level. Children do not learn from what we say, they learn from how we behave. Kids these days are far more advanced at younger ages than generations prior, thus making this approach all the more important. Even when we think they are too young or won’t notice, they are keenly aware of what we do and are always watching. I have been divorced for over 4 years and  have little control over how my ex-wife behaves in front of our two children. Due to our custody arrangement, my time with the kids is quite limited to a few hours once a week and every other weekend. WIth such an arrangement in place, my interaction with them must reflect how I wish for them to act as they mature into adulthood. Anyone who has been divorced is more than likely aware of the challenges of co parenting with an ex who may still carry resentment, anger, and hurt from the marriage. When two people in a relationship break up and have no kids, they can have a clean break and move forward without looking back. However, when there are children involved, this is impossible. If both parents choose to raise the children as a team when they may not particularly like each other, the behavior shown to their children must be exhibited with respect. As difficult as it may be to keep emotion or bitterness towards your ex spouse at bay, this is paramount to children learning how to cultivate successful relations with others. This past Mother’s Day Weekend was also  my time to have my children for the day. I told them that we had a fun day planned and one of the special trips we were going to make was to the store to pick out gifts for their mother. My desire to show my children that I respect their mother above all else trumped my own selfish desire to not spend my time or money on her. I brought them to a store and gave the guidelines to pick whatever they wanted to get her. They chose a few cute gifts and a giant greeting card that was taller than my 5-year-old. We spent an hour and a half in the store and had a great experience creating memories together. Ask me if I would’ve done this a few years ago on the day she filed for divorce and I would’ve laughed. However, with my own healing, learning how to be a single dad only intensifies my desire to show my children a healthy example. No matter what issues arise between my ex-wife and I, my policy is to never let a negative word be said in front of them regarding their mother. Sometimes, I admit, this policy is nearly impossible to adhere to. On many occasions I’ve had to practice grounding techniques such as deep breathing or meditation to remind myself of who I want my children to see in their father. People will do what you do not what you tell them to do. This lesson can begin with our children and is easily understood in adulthood. No matter who hurt who or which person is perceived at fault in the breaking down of a marriage, the children remain the ultimate gift from above and must be treated as such. No matter which way you lean spiritually speaking, the following verse in Luke 12:48 is necessary when speaking of how to raise up our children. “To whom much is given, much is required.” Respect for everyone, especially to the person our kids call mom or dad is part of such a great responsibility. Next time you want to speak harsh words regarding an ex, remember those little people are always watching. Please check out my friend’s great article that relates so well – https://ferasantoonreports.com/raise-well-rounded-successful-daughter/

The Butterfly Effect states that the flapping of a butterfly’s wings on one side of the Earth can create a tidal wave on the other. Today, I got to see the most marvelous, living example of this and cannot get a moments rest until I share it with you. When loving people are able to take monumental, personal tragedy and rise up, a tsunami begins. My experience on the journey of personal recovery and transformation has placed people in my life that I would not have had the privilege and honor of meeting had we not gone through similar tremendous loss and heartbreak. I will start with Adam. I never personally knew him, but sadly he left this world far too soon when he lost the battle with addiction. However, when he departed, his family was left with a choice. They could take the weight of grief and let it destroy them, or they could take the pieces of their broken hearts and build an empire. His mother, Gail, with the help of her son Patrick, began to go about the heavy task of offering a ladder of hope out of the hole that others had found themselves in. She is the only woman I know who will answer her phone and bring complete strangers to a shelter, detox, rehab, or wherever she can at any time of day or night. Since Adam passed a few years ago, she and her family have helped countless souls find a solid foundation with which to build a life of remarkable joy and freedom free from the grips of addiction.   I was one of the recipients of her assistance when I had nowhere to turn. As tragic as it was to lose her son, his loss became a chance for myself and hundreds of others. Had she crawled into a hole of despair, there is a good chance I would not be here today to share her story, be a father to my own children, and be here to serve others in the same way she helped me.  It takes one butterfly to start a slight breeze and in turn cause a hurricane that can’t be stopped.   Now, I will tell you about another man I never knew but wish I had the chance to meet. His name was King. He also succumbed to his demons not too long ago, and like Adam left a loving family with a giant hole. His two sisters, Sue and Anne, began a crusade, King’s Crusade, almost immediately after his death. After meeting them today, I know that as devastating as it was to lose him, their purpose was designed by God through their brother. Sue and Anne have a peace about them that I couldn’t possibly describe to you. They are warm, loving , and open about their struggle. I explained to Sue that although it hurts tremendously, their cross to bear is this movement because they are the only ones who could do it without effort. To paraphrase from Roald Dahl’s “Willy Wonky and the Chocolate Factory,” “You don’t ask a fish how it swims or a bird how it flies.” They do it because they were born to do it. Since King passed, they too started flapping their wings and today was the beginning of a Butterfly Effect that is going create a storm. Though I never knew him, the sisters’ example made me feels as if I had. They began planting seeds in our community by planning an expo to address the addiction epidemic everywhere. Today it happened and that was just the start. We may never actually know how many were helped by today’s event, but I know how many wouldn’t have been had it not ever occurred. Zero. I don’t try to understand why God does what He does. Nor do I know why some people die from the same affliction that others survive from. However, recent events have given me the insight to know that none of this happens by mistake. I know that King, Adam, and all of the other lost loved ones would’ve wanted it this way. I met many folks who have buried their children in recent months today, and they are the true heroes. I thanked another man named Steve today for getting up, suiting up, and showing up. He buried his son Max recently, and he too has decided to build a bridge instead of burning one down. I am eternally grateful to have experienced the Butterfly Effect today, and cannot wait to see what comes next. If the message of hope shared today helps one person break free from the bondage of addiction, then the senseless wreckage that addiction leaves in its wake will not be in vain.

What is you passion? Mom signed me up for summer soccer camp and had to pick me up at noon on the first day because I wouldn’t stop crying. It is really no secret to any of my family or friends that I was never the “traditional guy.”  As a child, I was awkward, puny, and uncoordinated. When the kids in the neighborhood would play football or hockey, I stayed as far away as I could. I just never had a desire to participate in such things. Heck, I remember when collecting baseball cars was a popular thing. Since all of the other boys had huge collections, I made it my mission to get an even bigger stash. Even though my parents knew I wasn’t into baseball, they obliged. My desire to fit in overshadowed my desire to be who I really was. I was more interested in theater or watching “I Love Lucy” then sweating outside in competitive sports. My passion was different that the other kids.However, knowing I was different kept me shackled to my fear of being found out. I wanted to hide my differences and blend into the crowd. I kept up the charade by joining the local football team at a mind-blowing 70 pounds. Of course, this was the 90 pound team and I was the tiny kid in the back of the line when we ran laps. I cried a lot there too. My dad loved sports and so did my twin brother so joining the team gave me a sense that my family would be proud. Somehow, I managed to suffer through the sweat and tears and made it on the championship team. Of course, my parents paid for my membership so they had to include me. It was the fourth quarter with only a minute or two left and the game was tied. We were playing against the local team that had never been beaten. They were twice our size and practically pros for middle schoolers. Coach Bob held a time out huddle and told us to grab any fumble that rolls out and win this game! And guess what happened? When the next play began, a fumble came out from their side and landed at my feet. I grabbed it. And since I didn’t really understand football and had not idea which way to go, I stood there midfield with the ball up in the air like the Statue of Liberty holding her torch. My fear of letting the team down paralyzed me in place. Thank God the referee stopped the game before I was pummeled. Anyways, we won the championship and I still have the jacket to prove it. That was my last day on any organized sports team. Why am I telling you this? I want to convey the idea of accepting who you are. As I said, I was never a guy’s guy. I never liked sports, tools, or cars. My ex- wife was more into that stuff than I ever was. I used to believe that there was something wrong with me because I would rather attend a musical than a football game. There are hundreds of examples in my life and I am sure in yours as well that we compromised who we were to be accepted. I would join groups of people just to be a part of, even if there “thing” wasn’t mine. It makes me think of young kids who grow up in gang saturated areas. Many of them join and do things that do not line up with who they so they will be approved of. It was only until I came to a major crossroads in my life that I finally began to embrace who I was all along. I don’t have to shave my face in your mirror, only mine. If you want to be happy, look within and be who you are. Follow you passion, that thing that ignites a brush fire within. I am reminded of the film Lethal Weapon 3. To summarize, Danny Glover’s character is a police detective who gets involved in a shootout with a local gang. He shoots and kills one of his son’s best friends. On the morning of the funeral, his son is shaving in the bathroom. He enters the room and while observing his technique offers some advice. He noticed that his son, Nick, is shaving with the grain. The advice is to reverse the razor and go against the grain to get a batter shave.  I watched this film when I was 12 years old and still remember how that message hit me. The deeper lesson was not to be a sheep and do what everyone else is doing. Go against the grain, and while you may stand alone, you will at least stand for something. Embrace the wonderful, amazing person that God created you to be. Start right now. Look deep within and finds that “thing.” You know the thing I am talking about. That thing that you always had a passion for and dreamed of doing or being. That is the thing that was placed in you from the time of conception. Align yourself and begin following that path. Is it a career? A hobby? What is it?

A reserved parking spot is a perfect symbol for entitlement and self-importance. From the CEO to Madonna, no one is better than another. A few nights ago I had to take a loved one to the emergency room and something that I noticed in the parking lot got the gears in my mind turning. Anyone who has ever worked in the medical field , especially in a hospital is familiar with “medical Monday.” This very special day of the week is characterized by a major influx in visits to the hospital, particularly the emergency department. My girlfriend had a health issue arise that had to be taken care of on Monday and my parking lot experience opened my eyes to something I had to share with you. I dropped her off at the lobby door and went to find a place to park my car. It came as no surprise that the lot was full and I had to walk a good distance back to the building. As I scanned for an empty spot, I noticed that there was a line of four or five  empty spots near the ER entrance that were specifically reserved for “special” people. The closest one to the door was reserved for the CEO, despicable. I couldn’t believe what I was actually seeing. In a place where many people show up to sick or incapacitated to walk the head of the hospital gets to park right near the door. The waiting room was packed with people, yet no one parked in the reserved spot. The time was 8:00 PM and there was little doubt that the CEO was far from the property. This blatant example of executive entitlement irritated me. Not like a mosquito jumping on me during a camping trip in late July. This level of irritation actually made my heart rate increase and my blood begin to boil. I couldn’t believe that the person who is charged with being the example to their organization is given such privilege. Now, I am not sure if this was his/her decision to have this space. Regardless, it paints a very ugly picture to a consumer and I would also believe to an employee of the organization. It got me thinking that If I was the head of such a place, I would actually ensure that no one but the patients got the closest spots. Furthermore, I believe the best leaders are those that seek to serve rather than to be served. My desire to exude that belief would motivate me to ensure that I did not have a marked parking spot. In fact, I would also make sure that I parked farther away as to allow employees and visitors easier access to the facility. I would want my team to know that I do not view myself above anyone, but on an equal level. You may be wondering why I am making such a big deal out of this. A reserved parking spot may be a minor thing, but it points to a larger issue of perception. This creates the impression that the person in charge is superior to the rank and file. No one is superior to anyone. The people “below” that person are the reason the organization thrives or fails. The person at the top is merely a voice or face of the institution. Without the different and unique parts of the engine, it would not run. This attitude of  entitlement can be seen in our government, pro sports, and how “celebrities” are viewed as well.   I had the opportunity to work for Madonna when she came to town for a concert once. Another person and I were assigned as paramedics to her and her dancers in case anything happened while they were performing. We had to arrive 6 hours before she did and were given a  list of rules to follow. We were not allowed to talk to her or even make eye contact. When she did arrive to do her sound check, I was standing by the stage. She had sweat pants on and  no make up. While rehearsing, I was texting on my phone when a security guard came to me and warned me to put it away or I would be told to leave. The concern was that I was taking pictures of her, which I wasn’t. Now, if she or her crew got sick or injured, my expertise would be needed. Otherwise, it was clear to me that I was nobody of significance. Needless to say, I have never wasted a moment of my time listening to her music since. As a society, we need to recognize that each person is important, worthy, and needed. God put us all together on this planet and I doubt that he had any plans for en entitled hierarchy. While some may have high position and  status, everyone puts on pants, eats, and eliminates waste the same. What are your thoughts, my friend?

Getting fired can be liberating. While the loss of security and fear can be crippling, it can also be the foundation to a new life of purpose and direction. I make no bones about the vast array of jobs I have acquired and lost due to mistakes, foolish decisions, and overall bad choices. With hindsight being 20/20, I can now say that each time I was fired, there was always a lesson to be learned. I would like to share some insight I gained from these sometimes devastating experiences. 1- Responsibility for my actions. We live in a society where a lot of blame and finger pointing occurs when a person is “caught” or “found out.” I can recall being fired from a very good job wit a county government and I quickly began to play the blame game. When they brought me in for that final talk, I attempted to shine the spotlight on the fact that my supervisor was incompetent, a bully, and no one respected him. The chief quickly reminded me that I was the one being fired and these were the reasons. I had refused to conform to the organization’s policies and procedures. I believed that my way was better and despite many coaching sessions by management, never adapted. I fabricated the truth in a few scenarios instead of being honest about mistakes I had made. They had made the decision to fire me for not being honest, thus showing a lack of integrity. While I was devastated for a with the new loss of income, I had to finally recognize that it was me who created this outcome by my choices and no one else. At the end of the day, we go to bed with ourselves at night and while external circumstances may happen, we are ultimately responsible for how we act and react. 2-My worth and my work are different Just because I had made mistakes and poor decisions, I am not my failures. I may have failed, but that doesn’t equate to who I am. I had to learn that my worth as a person isn’t equal to my circumstances. Otherwise, I allow myself to identify myself as those failures and the language I tell myself is more important than anything anyone could ever tell me. My internal dialogue runs 24/7 and allowing it to be negative, full of pity, and shame can and had almost destroyed me on a few occasions. I learned that by getting fired for poor performance or lack of humility manifesting itself by inflated ego has only taught me to remember that I am worth more than my choices. 3-I have a new beginning Just because a door closes, doesn’t mean that the end is here. As long as I am alive and breathing, I have a chance to start again. I now look at it as I am not a failure, I just learn and implement lessons learned. If Edison quit each time the light bulb he was attempting to create didn’t work, we might not have electricity. If I hadn’t ultimately lost my paramedic license as a direct consequence of substance abuse, I might never have been able to share my experience with others. I might not be able to impact people with my story as a means of giving others the courage to address their struggles. Being fired gave me a chance to live a life of purpose that may have never happened otherwise. If I can look up while being down, I can certainly get up and climb the ladder again. Falling off the bike leads to the choice of staying down or getting up and moving forward.

So, you wanna lose weight huh? Are you tired of looking in the mirror and seeing a double or triple chin.  Feel like you need a shoe horn and Vaseline to get your pants on? What about the fact that your closet is filled with more varied sizes of clothes than a local Goodwill chapter? If any of these things jabbed you in the gut, listen up! Ill give you a moment to catch your breath. I have located the secret to this ever expanding problem, if you’ll pardon the pun. Are you ready to find out how to quickly lose weight? Strap yourself in, turn off the tv, and put down the chocolate bar. Here it is: DO SOMETHING NEW!!! That’s it! The magic formula to having a beach body is summed up in those three words. This isn’t a trick and there is no smoke and mirrors. Now, I suppose you want me to explain. Since I want nothing more for you than success, I will. The secret to losing weight, or anything in life, is to do something new because whatever you were doing up until this point isn’t working. The decisions you have been making that led to your dissatisfaction with your weight, in this case, have all led up to this. They have brought you to the valley of decision. However, this is where most people stop.                                   Thought or Action? Three frogs sitting on a log and two decide to jump off. How many are left sitting on the log? One, right? Wrong!!! There are three still sitting there. Making a decision without action is just a thought. Notice, I didn’t say you could quickly lose weight by thinking something new. While that is a good place to start, it has to be followed by action. A thought is a noun, while action is a verb. It never goes anywhere without the do part. I also said this was a quick way to lose weight, and I didn’t lie. We can argue the semantics about the definition of “quick”, or you can just do something new. Arguing about what you think is quick will keep you hanging with the frogs on the decision log. I say quick because time will continue to march on and the “quicker” you start acting on the decision, well, you can see where I am going. The quicker you will lose weight!!! Whatever you have been doing that has not contributed to this goal needs to be adjusted somehow, today!! I didn’t say throw away all of the junk food, hire a trainer, buy a treadmill, and only eat salad. Sure, you can do those things eventually. For now, just start somewhere. If you eat a cheeseburger, fries, and milkshake every day at lunch, don’t order the fries today. That is something new. Use that as a foundation and build on it from there. Subscribe here and follow me on social media for upcoming tips and advice on changing your life into the one you know you want and deserve!!