Tag: after narcissistic abuse

You were chosen by the high level narcissist because you fit his/her specifications as the perfect partner.  You are bright, socially savvy, quite attractive, magnetic, empathic. You shimmer inside and out. You make people feel comfortable; they trust you. 

The early years were inspired by a kind of beautiful scent, a magic elixir. You found the high level enchanting and compelling. Bright, very attractive, in command of himself and others, you said Yes to tis irresistible promise of having your dreams and wishes fulfilled. 

When you look back now you remember the clues, the signs, the giveaways that were telling you that this person was disingenuous, a gifted liar, a double dealer, an unrepentant manipulator and exploiter. 

Now after many years of psychological and emotional abuse, too many ugly wrenching scenes, abandonment, you are coming to a point of decision.

Each day you feel a bit more tired, dragging yourself around, forcing yourself by will and guilt to perform in your work and personal life. 

Your body is lethargic and heavy feeling; your energy is sapped, your thoughts are gloomy even morose, an endless loop. At night you dread the sleep that will not come. And when it does you are subject to horrific nightmares.

You are being contacted by your deepest self, making every effort to get your attention through powerful dream images… Dreams are messengers from the unconscious, the fountain of wisdom

This is a time of awakening a time for you to practice self regard and the care of your psychological, emotional, physical and spiritual health. 

Get the rest and sleep that you need. If you have problems sleeping, rest. Be unjudgmental about any difficulty sleeping. Resting is a powerful way to relaxation, calmness, acceptance and love for self, good nutrition, quality hydration, movement and exercise, stretching, basic yoga poses, walking, dancing, Nature, expanding your creativity in every form it takes for you. A spiritual practice, meditation and prayer the way you define this. Be unjudgmental and kind with yourself.

You feel the power and energy of your authentic original self as you move forward along your unique pathways. 

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Human greed has been with us for tens of thousands of years.  Greed is one of the great sins – the relentless pursuit of money, properties, luxurious possessions and the dark manipulations that are part of this game of pursuing more. Greedy high level narcissists are highly manipulative. With their obsessive need for more they plot and plan how they will exploit others, including their spouses, ex-spouses, relatives, children, “friends”, business associates.

When the high level’s greed leads to tremendous financial success, this individual feels special and over entitled. He looks down on those who have not achieved his level of success. At the same time he burns with envy at those who have more money, wield raw power and material acquisitions. 

Male and female high level narcissists pursue partners and prospective spouses who are well connected socioeconomically. 

Many are enraptured by the high level narcissist and captivated, they partner with and marry these high climbers. Sometimes the partner has no idea that he or she is being manipulated and exploited. For the narcissistic personality what belongs to you us theirs. 

For the high level narcissist you are a commodity and resource that makes him very rich. You are interchangeable with others. If you don’t bring it forward he will easily find someone else. For the high level greedy narcissist, everyone is expendable. 

If you are partnered or married to a greedy high level narcissist there is a time of reckoning of becoming awakened to the true nature of the narcissistic personality. You can no longer be exposed to their psychological and moral toxicity. You are exhausted from their taking advantage of you, financially, psychologically, emotionally, creatively and spiritually. 

You stand firmly grounded in your individual wisdom and insight. Now you move forward along the pathways of the healing and restorative parasympathetic of self care, the fruits of your unique creativity, the beauty of your self expression, spontaneity, solitude of inner peace. Give yourself tremendous credit for this journey you are making. And always listen to your intuition, a divine gift. 

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Quoting from my book: Freeing Yourself From the Narcissist in Your Life: “A…high level…narcissist doesn’t waste time on those who cannot perform for him/her. By seduction or guile he draws to himself those who will feed his constant need for power and admiration…The narcissistic personality values himself alone.”

“”The high level is finished with you and dispatches you to the hinterlands of obscurity and anonymity. You’re faded, worn and exhausted and as a result the high level narcissist has neither time nor money nor attention for you. The high level doesn’t run with those who are truly humble, good, true, fair or pure of heart.”

Now you know the true nature of the high level narcissist. You are doing the research and very important, you have the clear discernment and insight to know and appreciate exactly who you are. Reflect on your unique individuality, your fine developed conscience, your mental clarity, your high intuition that speaks the truth. Practice self care each day. 

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Spouses and partners of high level narcissists are constantly under extreme stress. As a result of many years or even decades of marriage to one of these demanding, demeaning, manipulative individuals, they suffer from a variety of symptoms. Many complain of different kinds of chronic fatigue and exhaustion. 

When you are married to or partnered with a high level, constant outrageous demands are being made on you. If you grew up with a narcissistic parent, you were never at ease. There were no moments of respite Never carefree, quiet and relaxed – very little solitude.

After many years of marriage to and partnership with the high level narcissist you recognize that this time you must make some big decisions about this non-relationship. 

This recognition represents an enormous shift in your perceptions. Now you have begun your journey to put the emphasis on the value and meaning of yourself as an individual who is entitled to inner peace, to be treated with respect and caring, to be cherished and valued, to pursue your creative gifts in an environment of encouragement and support. 

You have been a primary resource of ego supply to the high level narcissist: adulation, praise, loyalty, creative collaboration. 

Beneath the extreme confidence, self entitlement and charm, the high level narcissist is an individual who is constantly in need of keeping his ego fully inflated.

High level narcissists create a golden circle of followers and admirers who provide them with constant re-circulating adoration, obedience, monetary rewards that raise them up on the power food chain. 

High level narcissists choose partners and spouses who increase the attraction and fascination that others have toward them. A socially skilled charming sophisticated partners is an invaluable part of the high level’s appeal and cachet. High level choose souses who burnish their image, are gifted socially and add to the perfection of the high level’s impeccable image. 

For the high level narcissist you are an object who fulfills his/her needs, wants and expectations. Your perfect performance is expected.

The high level is cunning and has a gift for knowing your psychological vulnerabilities and deep wishes. He/she uses these skills for purposes of control and manipulation. 

For some partners to high level narcissists it is the exciting and easy lifestyle that is so appealing. You feel like you can have anything you want because you are connected with the magic of the narcissist.

Behind closed doors the story turns ugly You become the object of the narcissist’s vile projections, criticisms, humiliations. It is stressful and exhausting to be treated in this manner for so many years, even decades. 

You have many insights and decide to move forward along your own pathway that you deserve to pursue your unique creative gifts, to go through your days with a sense of inner peace, appreciating and acting upon your individuality. Physical, psychological and creative energies are renewed. You have come back to your original true self. 

In a culture rife with hyper-narcissism, the high level narcissist stands out as an individual who gets away with multiple forms of narcissistic abuse visited by spouses, ex-spouses, children, business associate.  

The false selves of the narcissist are gifted at presenting themselves in the most irresistible way. They are charming, charismatic, tuned in to you. 

Quoting from my book: Recovering and Healing After the Narcissist:

“The narcissist believes in an intricate world of his making, dominated by inflated illusions of self-importance. His style is grandiose—like some peacock or wild turkey with feathers in full display. His version of reality bears no resemblance to the truth.”

Your ticket and pathway through the thickets of being victimized by the high level narcissist is based on your deep research, clear discernment, perseverance and psychological grounding. 

Pay close attention to how the high level narcissist reveals himself/herself when the facade slips. 

The false self persona slips and you behold the primitive shadow of this individual. 

When you observe the truth about your narcissistic spouse, partner or parents, you can have confidence in your findings. Also your intuition leads the way in discerning the truth about the nature of the high level narcissist. 

You are moving forward at your own pace; the wind is at your back. You are independent, grounded and creative. Remember to practice self care each day: rest/sleep, good nutrition, fine hydration, movement and exercise, spending time with Nature, a spiritual practice as you define it. 

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Growing up as the child of a narcissistic parent is one of the most difficult and complex life histories a child can experience. The psychopathology of the narcissist is deep and daunting. As a baby and young child you were subjected to the full force of the narcissistic personality. Quoting from my book: Recovering and Healing After the Narcissist offers a clear picture of this fixed personality:

Narcissistic personality disorders are characterized by extreme self-absorption, lack of empathy, ruthlessness, incapacity for emotional intimacy, volcanic rage, chronic lying, deceit and exploitation.

1. Your restoration and healing begins with your deep research and study of the true nature of the narcissistic parent. This is a foundational step for moving forward as a psychologically grounded individual. 

2. Children of narcissistic parents grow up with blocked emotions. Their feelings were stifled because it was psychologically dangerous to express themselves…Now that you are in the process of awakening to yourself allow feelings to come through.

3. Recognizing that the deprivations and psychological abuse projected on to yu was not your fault. You were the innocent child the victim of the narcissistic parent’s cruel, wanton projections. You were on the receiving end as an innocent child who was blameless. Take this truth inside and let it resonate deeply within you. 

4. Practice self care each day. Make it simple and do it your way. Get the rest and sleep that you need. Eat nourishing food, organic if possible. Hydrate well with pure water. Movement and exercise reduce stress, stretch our muscle and make us stronger with greater endurance. Spend time with Nature. 

5. Tap into your creativity each day. This takes as many forms as there are individuals. Think of all the ways you are creative: drawing, painting, sketching, sewing, quilting, photography, woodworking, all forms of writing, doing research on what fascinates you, crocheting, knitting, sewing.  

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If you were traumatized as a child, growing up in a narcissistic family, you were often in a state of distress, hypervigilance, chronic anxiety. Your sympathetic nervous system, the fight or flight mode was over-worked. You could not let down and become relaxed. Growing up you were constantly on edge. You were raised by narcissists who could not be trusted, were incapable of genuine love, caring or warmth. You often felt waves of tremendous anxiety coursing through you. Chronic anxiety was a constant companion. You were besieged with insomnia. This is very understandable since you could trust no one. 

No one in the family ever came to comfort you or made any effort to understanding what you were feeling. Displays of emotions were not allowed. They were scoffed at, derided and became the subject of scorn. 

Being married to a high level narcissist you are often criticized, humiliated, demeaned, controlled, questioned and screamed at. In the beginning everything seemed almost perfect. Months go by and you notice chinks in this perfect false facade.When he makes huge mistakes you are blamed. Then the projections rev up. ..Your narcissistic spouse is always right and you are wrong. You are the culprit in every instance. Over time the high level creates a psychological climate of anxiety, extreme stress that becomes intolerable. There is no empathy coming from the high level. Your stress level heightens. Yo recognize that you are being re-traumatized by this narcissistic spouse. Memories of your toughest years of growing up in your narcissistic family from hell flash through your mind You feel that you are back there with the generalized anxiety, feelings of inadequacy.

You come to a time of awakening with all of your research and wisdom and revelation—Now you choose your own pathway of restoration and renewal to fulfill your destiny as a unique, creative evolved individual. 

Practice self care: nourishing food, good hydration, Nature, movement and exercise, positive self regard, spending time with individuals whom you trust, your form of spiritual practice. 

Give yourself tremendous credit for finding your way—for persevering and rediscovering the beauty and power of your true original self.

The high level becomes picky and criticizes you over the smallest issues. 

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Today we are surrounded by narcissistic personalities, some of them high level: those individuals who are financially and socially successful. Many are exceedingly charming and easily psychologically magnetize people to them. 

Their identities are defined by their obsession with climbing to the top professionally, monetarily and socially. Nothing else matters to them. These individuals are highly self confident, look down upon others, tend o be aggressive personalities who push others aside using cunning, well placed lies and subterfuges, plots and plans t make sure that they wind. If they have to cause distress and disappointment to others along the way, this doesn’t matter to them. 

Getting to the top is all that matters.

High levels are exceedingly greedy. 

Along with their greed, the high level possesses extreme hubris. Coming from the Latin this means excessive pride or arrogance. Hubris is part of the package that the high level presents to the world and all of those who have to deal with them.

Those who are married to or partnered with the high level are on a very mixed journey. 

Ultimately you are dealing with a severe personality disorder.

There is a time of awakening when you make the decision to move forward along pathways of individual fulfillment, solitude and your unique creativity. 

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You made a secret deal with yourself. If you keep giving the high level narcissist a pass on his/her lying by omission and commission he will stay with you—you will not be abandoned! It is very difficult reveal to ourselves that we have been so desperate to have gone against our own well being. The fear of abandonment is overwhelming for many individuals who are involved with narcissistic personalities. Traumatized as children by a narcissistic mother or father, they were treated with coldness and cruelty, disdain and even disgust. 

Even when this child behaves perfectly, this is not sufficient for the narcissistic parent to offer warmth, acceptance and caring. You cannot be good enough for a person with this kind of character disorder. The child of the narcissistic parent is psychologically and emotionally abandoned

When the adult child of a narcissistic parent marries a narcissist this pattern continues. The narcissist demands perfection from you. 

Since they don’t have a fully developed conscience it is easy for them to keep you from knowing about their secret lives. You want to believe the high level’s lies. This is not your fault. It is the result of the psychological trauma you experienced as the abused abandoned child of your narcissistic parent. 

Years, decades go by and you are still fighting yourself and remain with the high level narcissist. You have chronic insomnia, digestive disorder, you are constantly in a state of fight or flight, the sympathetic nervous system mode.

Finally, you recognize fully the true nature of the high level narcissist, that these are fixed personality disorders that do not change, that you must separate yourself from the high level narcissist to rescue your true original self, to restore your psychological, emotional and physical vitality and the use of your creative gifts. I give you tremendous credit for moving forward. I honor your insights, research, your fine character, psychological and emotional grounding, your unique creative gifts. 

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