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Tag: narcissism

Leaving Your Narcissistic Parent Behind – Five Steps

Growing up as the child of a narcissistic parent is one of the most difficult and complex life histories a child can experience. The psychopathology of the narcissist is deep and daunting. As a baby and young child you were subjected to the full force of the narcissistic personality. Quoting from my book: Recovering and Healing After the Narcissist offers a clear picture of this fixed personality:

Narcissistic personality disorders are characterized by extreme self-absorption, lack of empathy, ruthlessness, incapacity for emotional intimacy, volcanic rage, chronic lying, deceit and exploitation.

1. Your restoration and healing begins with your deep research and study of the true nature of the narcissistic parent. This is a foundational step for moving forward as a psychologically grounded individual. 

2. Children of narcissistic parents grow up with blocked emotions. Their feelings were stifled because it was psychologically dangerous to express themselves…Now that you are in the process of awakening to yourself allow feelings to come through.

3. Recognizing that the deprivations and psychological abuse projected on to yu was not your fault. You were the innocent child the victim of the narcissistic parent’s cruel, wanton projections. You were on the receiving end as an innocent child who was blameless. Take this truth inside and let it resonate deeply within you. 

4. Practice self care each day. Make it simple and do it your way. Get the rest and sleep that you need. Eat nourishing food, organic if possible. Hydrate well with pure water. Movement and exercise reduce stress, stretch our muscle and make us stronger with greater endurance. Spend time with Nature. 

5. Tap into your creativity each day. This takes as many forms as there are individuals. Think of all the ways you are creative: drawing, painting, sketching, sewing, quilting, photography, woodworking, all forms of writing, doing research on what fascinates you, crocheting, knitting, sewing.  

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How Hijackals Confuse You Through Cognitive Empathy

Yet, it feels real, and you SO want it to be real. There’s where the manipulation and confusion sets in. In this episode, I let you in on the secret that, much as you want it to be real, it isn’t. (Did I mention that?) You need to see that clearly to keep from being hurt further! Empathy is defined in the Merriam-Webster dictionary this way: “the action of understanding, being aware of, being sensitive to, and vicariously experiencing the feelings, thoughts, and experience of another of either the past or present without having the feelings, thoughts, and experience fully communicated in an objectively explicit manner.” Wow! That would be great, however, that’s not what you get when you’re in a relationship with a Hijackal–a narcissistic, anti-social, or borderline personality. They are not empathy deficient but usually rely on cognitive empathy. That’s a darker kind of empathy that is constructed in the mind, but doesn’t much touch the heart. Hijackals use cognitive empathy as a tool to love-bomb you, to encourage you to be vulnerable with them. Then, what do they do with those vulnerabilities? They turn them on you later like stored ammunition, or they use the information to benefit themselves in other ways. Nasty! HIGHLIGHTS OF TODAY’S EPISODE:What cognitive empathy isHow cognitive empathy is different from emotional empathyWhy cognitive empathy is unsatisfying…and unsettling when you actually see it for what it isHow Hijackals use cognitive empathy to make you feel safer for a bit and why they do itWhy it’s important to recognize the differences between cognitive empathy and the emotional empathy you are wanting but won’t arriveAre you being used and confused by a Hijackal demonstrating cognitive empathy? I’m here to help.Let’s talk soon.RhobertaWant clarity, insights, strategies, and support from me? We can talk: Introductory session for new clients, $97CONNECT WITH ME: I invite you to like my pages and follow for further help with recognizing toxic relationships, realizing their impact, realigning your life, and recovering your self-confidence and ability to love and trust again.FOLLOW DR. RHOBERTA SHALER…WEBSITE: https://www.ForRelationshipHelp.comPODCASThttp://www.SaveYourSanityPodcast.comFACEBOOKhttps://www.Facebook.com/RelationshipHelpDoctorTWITTERhttps://www.Twitter.com/RhobertaShalerLINKEDINhttps://www.LinkedIn.com/in/RhobertaShalerINSTAGRAMhttps://www.Instagram.com/DrRhobertaShalerPINTERESThttps://www.Pinterest.com/RhobertaShalerCLUBHOUSE: @drshalerYOUTUBE: https://www.youtube.com/ForRelationshipHelp————————————————————-I‘M HERE TO HELP YOU FIGURE OUT WHAT’S GOING ON AND WHAT YOU WANT TO DO ABOUT IT!If you want to learn more, share, ask questions, and feel more powerful within yourself and your relationships,join my Community Circle now.Off social media, safe discussion + videos + articles + webinars + 2 group Ask Me Anything calls each month!WOW! Join now. Dr. Shaler’s Emerging Empowered Community #cognitiveempathy #emotionalempathy #lackingempathy #unsafetobevulnerable #exploitingmyvulnerabilities #hownarcissistsusecognitiveempathy #cognitiveempathycanbemanipulation #lovebombing #gettingmetotalk #pretendingtocareaboutme #pretendingtobeinterestedinme #codependence #enabling #emotionalabuserecovery #emergingempowered#savemysanity #saveyoursanity #relationshipadvice #tipsforrelationships #Hijackals #emotionaltrauma #toxicpeople #mentalhealthmatters #MHNRNetwork #RhobertaShaler #narcissists #borderlines #emergingempowered #antisocial #difficultpeople #emotionalabuse #verbalabuse #stopemotionalgabuse #drshaler #toxicrelationships #manipulation #walkingoneggshells #mentalhealth #emotionalhealth #abuse #narcissisticabuse #boundaries #personalitydisorder #difficultpeople #antisocialbehavior #lackingempathy #journorequest #prrequestSupport this show http://supporter.acast.com/hijackals-conflict-toxic-people-narcissist. See acast.com/privacy for privacy and opt-out information.

“The Genius of Jesus” with Erwin McManus on Negotiate Your Best Life with Rebecca Zung #289

When you’ve been the victim of a narcissist, finding your inner genius not only can feel like a challenge, it feels like it can never happen.   Whether you are a Christian, Buddhist, Muslim, atheist, agnostic or whatever, Erwin McManus and his wisdom in this episode and his new book will absolutely blow your mind.  Tune in and find out how to connect and tap into to your inner power, your inner universe and your inner genius because of the teachings of the man who changed who changed everything.    

MORE ABOUT ERWIN MCMANUS

Erwin Raphael McManus has committed his life to the study of genius and the pursuit of God, never knowing the two worlds would one day collide. He is an iconoclast, entrepreneur, storyteller, fashion designer, filmmaker, and cultural thought leader. Known across the world for his integration of creativity and spirituality, McManus is the founder of Mosaic, a church movement based in the heart of Hollywood with campuses across Los Angeles and a global community that spans the across the world. As a thinker, writer, and speaker, his singular intention is to violate our view of reality. Erwin is the acclaimed author of The Way of the Warrior, The Last Arrow, The Artisan Soul, Uprising, Soul Cravings, Chasing Daylight, and The Barbarian Way. His books have sold more than a million copies worldwide in fourteen different languages. He lives in Los Angeles, California, with his wife, Kim McManus and enjoys life with their adults kids Aaron, Mariah and her husband, Jake, and Patty and her husband, Steve.

Grab his new book, The Genius of Jesus right here:  https://amzn.to/3xRndIF

Follow him on Instagram right here: @erwinmcmanus

THIS WEEK’S SPONSOR INFORMATION:  

Soberlink is a comprehensive alcohol monitoring system. Combining a breathalyzer with wireless connectivity, Soberlink automatically documents proof of sobriety in real-time, which gives clients a sense of accomplishment while rebuilding trust with others.

Features

Adaptive Facial Recognition technology

Technology to detect physical tampers

Real-time text message reminders and Alerts

Customizable scheduling

Automated reporting options

Get an exclusive $50 off your device by emailing info@soberlink.com and mentioning Negotiate Your Best Life

____________________________________________________________________

For more information on REBECCA ZUNG, ESQ. visit her website www.rebeccazung.com and follow her on Instagram: @rebeccazung and YouTube!

GRAB YOUR FREE CRUSH MY NEGOTIATION PREP WORKSHEET RIGHT HERE! 

SUBSCRIBE TO MY YOUTUBE CHANNEL RIGHT HERE. 

Grab a copy of Rebecca’s book, Negotiate Like You M.A.T.T.E.R.: The Sure Fire Method to Step Up and Win (foreword written by Robert Shapiro).   It went straight to being a #1 bestseller the first day it was launched!  Find out what everyone is so excited about – get the book RIGHT HERE! 

To get your copy of Rebecca’s bestselling book, Breaking Free: A Step by Step Guide to Achieving Emotional, Physical and Spiritual Freedom, please visit the Amazon website to order it RIGHT HERE.   

High Level Narcissists Re-Traumatize Children of Narcissistic Parents

If you were traumatized as a child, growing up in a narcissistic family, you were often in a state of distress, hypervigilance, chronic anxiety. Your sympathetic nervous system, the fight or flight mode was over-worked. You could not let down and become relaxed. Growing up you were constantly on edge. You were raised by narcissists who could not be trusted, were incapable of genuine love, caring or warmth. You often felt waves of tremendous anxiety coursing through you. Chronic anxiety was a constant companion. You were besieged with insomnia. This is very understandable since you could trust no one. 

No one in the family ever came to comfort you or made any effort to understanding what you were feeling. Displays of emotions were not allowed. They were scoffed at, derided and became the subject of scorn. 

Being married to a high level narcissist you are often criticized, humiliated, demeaned, controlled, questioned and screamed at. In the beginning everything seemed almost perfect. Months go by and you notice chinks in this perfect false facade.When he makes huge mistakes you are blamed. Then the projections rev up. ..Your narcissistic spouse is always right and you are wrong. You are the culprit in every instance. Over time the high level creates a psychological climate of anxiety, extreme stress that becomes intolerable. There is no empathy coming from the high level. Your stress level heightens. Yo recognize that you are being re-traumatized by this narcissistic spouse. Memories of your toughest years of growing up in your narcissistic family from hell flash through your mind You feel that you are back there with the generalized anxiety, feelings of inadequacy.

You come to a time of awakening with all of your research and wisdom and revelation—Now you choose your own pathway of restoration and renewal to fulfill your destiny as a unique, creative evolved individual. 

Practice self care: nourishing food, good hydration, Nature, movement and exercise, positive self regard, spending time with individuals whom you trust, your form of spiritual practice. 

Give yourself tremendous credit for finding your way—for persevering and rediscovering the beauty and power of your true original self.

The high level becomes picky and criticizes you over the smallest issues. 

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High Level Narcissists Double Down on Their Hubris and Toxic Greed

Today we are surrounded by narcissistic personalities, some of them high level: those individuals who are financially and socially successful. Many are exceedingly charming and easily psychologically magnetize people to them. 

Their identities are defined by their obsession with climbing to the top professionally, monetarily and socially. Nothing else matters to them. These individuals are highly self confident, look down upon others, tend o be aggressive personalities who push others aside using cunning, well placed lies and subterfuges, plots and plans t make sure that they wind. If they have to cause distress and disappointment to others along the way, this doesn’t matter to them. 

Getting to the top is all that matters.

High levels are exceedingly greedy. 

Along with their greed, the high level possesses extreme hubris. Coming from the Latin this means excessive pride or arrogance. Hubris is part of the package that the high level presents to the world and all of those who have to deal with them.

Those who are married to or partnered with the high level are on a very mixed journey. 

Ultimately you are dealing with a severe personality disorder.

There is a time of awakening when you make the decision to move forward along pathways of individual fulfillment, solitude and your unique creativity. 

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RECOGNIZING THE MANIPULATION OF TRIANGULATION

Clearly see how narcissistic people try to control information flow by going through other people, their desired “flying monkeys.” Are there other people in your relationship with the Hijackal who are being approached by the Hijackal to serve their purposes? Do they engage them? Learn how to think about all that!SO important to recognize triangulation when it is happening! If it’s already happened, you can benefit from seeing the interactions and taking action, too. The point of triangulation by a toxic person in a relationship is to create stress, confusion, anxiety for others while creating a sense of collusion with the narcissist, anti-social, histrionic, or other Hijackal. It works. It particularly works on you, the target, because you have learned to second-guess yourself and even question your sanity, in some cases. Hijackals use triangulation because it makes them feel important and in control of the relationships, the one with you and the ones with others colluding with them. Triangulation is when a toxic person brings a third person into a relationship so that the toxic person can remain in control and manipulate the situation. The whole strategy is toxic, too! Why they do it, how they do it, and how to recognize it while it’s happening is the topic of this episode. HIGHLIGHTS OF TODAY’S EPISODE:What triangulation is and its purposeWhy Hijackals feel powerful using triangulationHow unsuspecting people get taken in by the Hijackals manipulationsWhat flying monkeys areHow flying monkeys play into triangulation and are seduced by a false sense of loyalty Not sure how to begin setting boundaries with a toxic person in your life? I’m here to help.Let’s talk soon.RhobertaWant clarity, insights, strategies, and support from me? We can talk: Introductory session for new clients, $97CONNECT WITH ME: I invite you to like my pages and follow for further help with recognizing toxic relationships, realizing their impact, realigning your life, and recovering your self-confidence and ability to love and trust again.FOLLOW DR. RHOBERTA SHALER…WEBSITE: https://www.ForRelationshipHelp.comPODCASThttp://www.SaveYourSanityPodcast.comFACEBOOKhttps://www.Facebook.com/RelationshipHelpDoctorTWITTERhttps://www.Twitter.com/RhobertaShalerLINKEDINhttps://www.LinkedIn.com/in/RhobertaShalerINSTAGRAMhttps://www.Instagram.com/DrRhobertaShalerPINTERESThttps://www.Pinterest.com/RhobertaShalerCLUBHOUSE: @drshalerYOUTUBE: https://www.youtube.com/ForRelationshipHelp————————————————————-I‘M HERE TO HELP YOU FIGURE OUT WHAT’S GOING ON AND WHAT YOU WANT TO DO ABOUT IT!If you want to learn more, share, ask questions, and feel more powerful within yourself and your relationships,join my Community Circle now.Off social media, safe discussion + videos + articles + webinars + 2 group Ask Me Anything calls each month!WOW! Join now. Dr. Shaler’s Emerging Empowered Community #manipulation #triangulation #narcissistictriangulation #creatingconflictthroughtriangulation #creatingconflict #nastythingsnarcissistsdo #whydomyparentsagreewiththenarcissist #flyingmonkeys #flyingmonkeysandtraiangulation #codependence #enabling #emotionalabuserecovery #emergingempowered#savemysanity #saveyoursanity #relationshipadvice #tipsforrelationships #Hijackals #emotionaltrauma #toxicpeople #mentalhealthmatters #MHNRNetwork #RhobertaShaler #narcissists #borderlines #emergingempowered #antisocial #difficultpeople #emotionalabuse #verbalabuse #stopemotionalgabuse #drshaler #toxicrelationships #manipulation #walkingoneggshells #mentalhealth #emotionalhealth #abuse #narcissisticabuse #boundaries #personalitydisorder #difficultpeople #antisocialbehavior #lackingempathy #journorequest #prrequestSupport this show http://supporter.acast.com/hijackals-conflict-toxic-people-narcissist. See acast.com/privacy for privacy and opt-out information.

“Unstoppable: How to Create Your Bigger Big” with Marcus Bell on Negotiate Your Best Life with Rebecca Zung #288

Every single one of us is on this planet for a reason.  What is your purpose?  How can you become completely unstoppable?   We know we are built for more but getting there can seem daunting and knowing how to take those steps can feel overwhelming.  Marcus Bell has mentored and developed the world’s biggest superstars and now he’s sharing his secrets.  If you are ready for freedom and to become all you’re meant to be, listen in to this powerful episode. 

MORE ABOUT MARCUS BELL

Marcus Bell has marketed and promoted, produced, written songs for, mentored and developed some of the world’s superstars and brands.

Marcus’ list of credits includes Katy Perry, Nicki Minaj, Shelita Burke, Timbaland, Amitabh Bachchan, Hadise, Park Jung-Ah, GALA, Sony Music, Warner Brothers, Arista Records, Netflix, MTV, HBO, Discovery Network, EMI and Universal Music, to name a few. He has created music for internationally renowned brands such as McDonalds, General Mills, and Peter Diamandis (X-Prize, Singularity University).

He published an Amazon #1 best selling book, “Bellringer Branding Bible: The 5 Musician Branding Principles for Singers, Rappers, DJs, Music Producers, Composers, Writers, and Recording Artists.”

Not called on just by the entertainment industry, Marcus also coaches and trains people from all fields in increasing their visibility.

As a Social Media Influencer he has a mission to help uplift the uplifters. His own posts have generated over 300 million impressions and his network of influence reaches over 4 Billion impressions a month.

Connect with Marcus: 

https://Wealthandimpactbootcamp.com 

https://www.linkedin.com/in/marcusbellringer

Follow Marcus @bellringermusic

THIS WEEK’S SPONSOR INFORMATION:  

Soberlink is a comprehensive alcohol monitoring system. Combining a breathalyzer with wireless connectivity, Soberlink automatically documents proof of sobriety in real-time, which gives clients a sense of accomplishment while rebuilding trust with others.

Features

Adaptive Facial Recognition technology

Technology to detect physical tampers

Real-time text message reminders and Alerts

Customizable scheduling

Automated reporting options

Get an exclusive $50 off your device by emailing info@soberlink.com and mentioning Negotiate Your Best Life

____________________________________________________________________

For more information on REBECCA ZUNG, ESQ. visit her website www.rebeccazung.com and follow her on Instagram: @rebeccazung and YouTube!

GRAB YOUR FREE CRUSH MY NEGOTIATION PREP WORKSHEET RIGHT HERE! 

SUBSCRIBE TO MY YOUTUBE CHANNEL RIGHT HERE. 

Grab a copy of Rebecca’s book, Negotiate Like You M.A.T.T.E.R.: The Sure Fire Method to Step Up and Win (foreword written by Robert Shapiro).   It went straight to being a #1 bestseller the first day it was launched!  Find out what everyone is so excited about – get the book RIGHT HERE! 

To get your copy of Rebecca’s bestselling book, Breaking Free: A Step by Step Guide to Achieving Emotional, Physical and Spiritual Freedom, please visit the Amazon website to order it RIGHT HERE.   

HIJACKALS ARE BOUNDARY BULLDOZERS

Setting Boundaries. Calibrating Results. Making Decisions. No matter what the Hijackal thinks they are entitled to you need to set, express, and hold boundaries. In this episode, I’ll give you effective ways to begin, or continue, setting clear boundaries and staying strong. Oh, and, what to do when those Hijackals trample them, too! Yes, Hijackals are boundary bulldozers. They don’t like boundaries…unless they are their own. Then, of course, everything is different! Hijackals are definitely not interested in your boundaries in the way you want them to be. Listen in, though, to find out one way that Hijackals REALLY like to hear your boundaries. You don’t set boundaries for them,. though, you do it for yourself. You want to be Emerging Empowered and knowing your boundaries, being willing to express and maintain them, is part of that practice.You previously may have made requests of the Hijackal in your life. How did that work? Did you get the results you wanted? Boundaries are another step beyond requests. Knowing what your boundaries are in the first step. Then, being willing to speak up about them comes next. You do well to know the steps. That’s what I’m outlining for you in this episode, so you can feel more confident.How Hijackals respond to boundaries is good to know these seven responses you may receive. That helps so you won’t be surprised when it happens!After you set and express your boundaries, you need to know how to maintain them, how to keep them non-negotiable. That again will help you with emerging empowered!HIGHLIGHTS OF TODAY’S EPISODE:Why Hijackals–narcissists, anti-socials, histrionics–are not interested in respecting your boundariesWhy Hijackals like to hear your boundaries (confusing, right?)Why set boundariesWhen boundaries need consequencesWhy boundaries cannot be threatsThe necessity for boundaries to be non-negotiable Not sure how to begin setting boundaries with a toxic person in your life?  I’m here to help.Let’s talk soon.RhobertaWant clarity, insights, strategies, and support from me? We can talk: Introductory session for new clients, $97CONNECT WITH ME: I invite you to like my pages and follow for further help with recognizing toxic relationships, realizing their impact, realigning your life, and recovering your self-confidence and ability to love and trust again.FOLLOW DR. RHOBERTA SHALER…WEBSITE: https://www.ForRelationshipHelp.comPODCASThttp://www.SaveYourSanityPodcast.comFACEBOOKhttps://www.Facebook.com/RelationshipHelpDoctorTWITTERhttps://www.Twitter.com/RhobertaShalerLINKEDINhttps://www.LinkedIn.com/in/RhobertaShalerINSTAGRAMhttps://www.Instagram.com/DrRhobertaShalerPINTERESThttps://www.Pinterest.com/RhobertaShalerCLUBHOUSE: @drshalerYOUTUBE: https://www.youtube.com/ForRelationshipHelp————————————————————-I‘M HERE TO HELP YOU FIGURE OUT WHAT’S GOING ON AND WHAT YOU WANT TO DO ABOUT IT!If you want to learn more, share, ask questions, and feel more powerful within yourself and your relationships,join my Community Circle now.Off social media, safe discussion + videos + articles + webinars + 2 group Ask Me Anything calls each month!WOW! Join now. Dr. Shaler’s Emerging Empowered Community #fboundaries #settingboundaries #expressingboundaries #maintainingboundaries #settingboundarieswithanarcissist #needforboundaries #cognitiveempathy #whynarcissistslikeboundaries #codependence #enabling #emotionalabuserecovery #emergingempowered#savemysanity #saveyoursanity #relationshipadvice #tipsforrelationships #Hijackals #emotionaltrauma #toxicpeople #mentalhealthmatters #MHNRNetwork #RhobertaShaler #narcissists #borderlines #emergingempowered #antisocial #difficultpeople #emotionalabuse #verbalabuse #stopemotionalgabuse #drshaler #toxicrelationships #manipulation #walkingoneggshells #mentalhealth #emotionalhealth #abuse #narcissisticabuse #boundaries #personalitydisorder #difficultpeople #antisocialbehavior #lackingempathy #journorequest #prrequestSupport this show http://supporter.acast.com/hijackals-conflict-toxic-people-narcissist. See acast.com/privacy for privacy and opt-out information.

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