Tag: narcissistic abuse recovery

For some time there have been a growing number of  Spiritual Teachers who are Narcissistic Personalities. The are among the most magnetic and charismatic individuals. 

There are many individuals who have been through very difficult and traumatic childhoods and deprivations. Some are going through divorce, shifts in their psychological and emotional well being.  Coming to the rescue are “narcissistic Gurus” who have all the answers. Charismatic, charming, excellent communicators and story tellers, these individuals offer courses that calm you down and that can make you rich. 

Often physically attractive with excellent communication skills, tey can captivate any audience.  Many travel the world, peddling their packages for thousands of dollars.  I have seen their self entitled over the top lifestyles, born out of the money that they extract from psychologically vulnerable people. 

I share my experience with a very “gifted” high level narcissistic guru. 

Pay attention to your intuitive gifts. You know the truth. Discover your own spiritual practice that has special meaning to you. Be kind, patient and understanding with yourself.

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Narcissists have an ugly, obnoxious side, especially if they want something that you have a nd you refuse to comply. This becomes very ugly during divorce from a narcissist. 

Do your research and be prepared for the narcissist during the divorce process. They hire shark-toothed attorneys. In some instances the narcissist contacts your relatives, in-laws, friends and anyone who who will listen to blatant lies about your character. 

The narcissist puts you at fault for everything that went wrong in the marriage. They never take responsibility for their irresponsible behavior. 

Surround yourself with individuals whom you can trust and who believe and understand the complex ordeal you are going through. 

Be kind and patient with yourself; practice self care: rest, sleep, move and exercise your way, nourishing food, hydration, Nature. 

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The high level narcissist is a restless human being. He/she is always seeking narcissistic supplies-those psychological foods that he must have in order to keep his ego sense of self fully inflated. 

Those who marry high level narcissist are unaware of their cunning and secrecy. Because of their charm and capacity to “read” their spouses and know their weak spots, they re clever at knowing when you are vulnerable, exhausted, confused, feeling desperate. It is at these times that their plans for how to control you further are hatched. 

The high level narcissist builds a false base of pseudo trust that this person of bad character begins their dirty work.

This is your time of awakening to the true deceptive nature of the high level narcissist. You decide to move forward along your own unique pathway. You now value yourself and your unique individuality. Practice self care each day: sleep, rest, nourishing food, hydration, Nature, exercise, creative activities.

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Shame is a complex intolerable feeling of being exposed, wanting to disappear, emotional vulnerability, feeling inferior and worthless. 

High level narcissists re shameless. They have no sense of limits or consideration for others

High level narcissists are cruel to their spouses, partners and children. They create reasons to shame their partners. 

High level narcissistic spouses are constantly finding ways to whittle you down psychologically, to disrupt your nervous system. 

You come to a time of awakening and know that you will separate from the high level narcissist. 

Put the emphasis on self care; get the rest and sleep that you need and deserve, good nutrition and hydration, movement and exercise that works for you, spending time in Nature, listening to beautiful music. 

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Chameleons are lizards who change their colors based on heat, humidity and their emotional state. Metaphorically covert narcissists are chameleons who develop personas that please those they want to impress. 

The covert narcissist has the same corrosive personality structure as the grandiose classic narcissist. 

The covert narcissist plays up your ego with a worshipful tone and endless compliments. Their pseudo humility and low key personality style is a clever camouflage. 

Covert narcissists betray you, play up to you and earn your trust. All the while they are talking behind your back, spreading lies about your personal life and your professional shortcomings. 

The numbers of narcissists are growing within a society that rewards them so handsomely. 

You are very different from the covert narcissist. You are authentic, worthy of trust, have empathy, have deep integrity. 

As you continue to move forward, pay close attention to your intuition which always tells you the truth. Your insights are very clear as are your keen perceptions. 

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Early on the daughter of the narcissistic mother keenly senses that she is an after thought, an unnecessary child, a quirk of fate, a huge mistake. She feels no warmth coming from this mother. 

the unwelcome daughter is treated like a poor relation. This term originates from the English, meaning a person who is inferior or subordinate to other family members. I think of Charlotte Bronte’s iconic character Jane Eyre. In the novel Jane is without mother or father. As a result she is sent to her aunt’s house. There she is an unwelcome child. The aunt favors her children over Jane and she is treated cruelly by all of them. Much of Jane’s circumstances are made very difficult as a result of her lowly position in the society of that time and her aunt’s cold, cruel behaviors. I think of the unwelcome child of the narcissistic mother sharing some aspects of these unjust circumstances. Ultimately, Jane prevailed and was victorious in her extraordinary individuality.

These daughters – many whom I have known directly or through their writings, are extraordinary in the creative ways that they found to preserve the essential core of their true selves. Often highly intuitive they discovered how to rescue and separate their core psychological selves from the psychopathology  of the narcissistic mother. 

Their road to individuality has been rugged, windswept and often solitary. There were seasons of doubt and disappointment. 

Yet, these daughters are made of very sturdy stuff. They kept coming back to their centers of wisdom and creativity. Their psychological and spiritual flowering is magnificent, outstanding beauty, a strong essential force of nature in this fine, strong, grounded, empathic, intuitive individual. 

We are blessed and made stronger and better by your lovely individual being.

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Quoting from psychoanalyst Alice Miller about the dilemma of a child of a narcissistic mother: “The art of not experiencing feelings – A child can experience her feelings only when there is somebody there who accepts her fully, understands her and supports her. If that person is missing, if the child must risk losing the mother’s love of her substitute in order to feel, then she will repess emotions.”

From her earliest days and months the daughter of the narcissistic mother experiences a cool dismissiveness. The little daughter feels the disdain, aloof distancing, disregard, disrespect emanating from this mother…In her presence she felt edgy, scared, humiliated, emotionally small and insignificant. 

Different kinds of narcissistic mothers:

Narcissistic Mother most accomplished

Narcissistic Mother Most Regal

Narcissistic Mother Most Holy

This child cannot be her true self since this is forbidden and signaled by the narcissistic mother as a negative vulnerability, a weakness, a lack of character. As a result this child cannot be authentic and must put on the facade that mother demands of her. 

There is a time of awakening. With your insights, research, intuitions and revelations of your narcissistic mother’s true nature, you move forward as a grounded, true self individual, fully entitled to yur unique individuality, integrity and your creative gifts.

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Quoting from my book: Recovering and Healing After the Narcissist:

“Walking is an excellent all-around exercise. As you walk you observe everything at close range—trees, grasses, wildflowers, sprouting seeds, thick hedges, tangled weeds, mud, flowing water, abandoned spider webs, tiny nets of insects and birdsong. With each step you become more grounded to the earth and gain a sense of stability.”

“Cardiovascular exercise in the form that works for you–cycling, rowing, climbing, walking, running, walking—releases endorphins, powerful brain chemicals that boost the immune system, help us sleep better naturally, give us more energy and have a profound effect on stabilizing our mods. Cardiovascular exercise oxygenates the entire body, relaxes frayed nerves and slows down obsessive thoughts. After cardiovascular exercise the calming part of the nervous system, the parasympathetic, takes over. It communicates to the body, mind and psyche that feelings of deep relaxation ar now active throughout every neuron and cell. “

“Learning to breathe diaphragmatically and practicing it refularly maintains a consistent feeling of security and steadiness throughout the body, mind and psyche.”

“An innovative way to immerse yourself in the parasympathetic nervous system is to create “blue zones” within your living space. Surrounding yourself with variations of the color blue activates a soothing response inside of us. Blue, in its limitless varieties, embraces us with exquisite healing beauty.”

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Quoting from my book: Freeing Yourself From the Narcissist in your Life:

“The narcissist lives in an intricate world of his making, dominated by inflated illusions self-importance. His/her style is grandiose—like some peacock or wild turkey with feather in full display…. Experiencing himself/herself at the center, like a sun surrounded by encircling planets, the high level narcissist believe that everything flows from him.”

“The narcissist fabricates delusions that protect his belief in limitless power. The narcissist holds fast to his bloated self-images…”

“High level narcissists are handsomely rewarded for the very attributes that make them inconsiderate and demanding human beings self-absorption, aggressiveness, hubris.”

Don’t be intimidated by the self important, self obsessed prince and princess of self importance. Behind these false selves is the empty, hollow real self of the narcissist.

You are the opposite of the high level narcissist. You have access to your original authentic self, a grounded individual capable of love, warmth, conscience, empathy—you are genuine, the real self personified.

Celebrate your authenticity, creative gifts, your profound psychological and spiritual strength and endurance, your fine character.

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You have known for a long time, many Summers and Springs that your partner and spouse was lying to you by commission and omission. 

You didn’t want to believe your perceptions and instincts. When the message of untruth came across clearly, you retreated from your clarity and returned to our your belief in the leis of the high level narcissist. You have been under the spell of the high level for years and decades.

High level narcissists gets a thrill out of lying to you.

You are under his/her control and the narcissist knows thta he can play you anyway he wants. 

The narcissist is obsessed with controlling your thoughts, feelings, plans, creative pursuits. 

Chronic lying is a permanent fixture of the high level narcissist.  Without a developed conscience you move adroitly, forcing your power position on your partner, spouse, ex-spouse, children.

Clever, cunning, predatory high level narcissists layer lie upon lie and experience giddy pleasure through their countless deceits. 

As the high level narcissist lies, he oozes charm that is coupled with artfully designed promises that warm your heart and reinforce your attachment to them. 

You hold on to this false belief to reinforce the attachment to the high level narcissist and as a result postpone your rights to inner peace, respect for your personal boundaries and transformation and the rediscovery of your limitless creative gifts. 

After numerous intuitive messages and inspirations and your research you awaken to the true reality of the high level narcissist of the  deceits and traumas you have endured and sustained. The voice of your real self says: “No More!” 

You hear yourself say: I am moving in my own direction. My compass is due North—the truth, the source, the beauty, the hope, independence, calm, solitude, creativity, individuality unbounded.

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