Tag: narcissistic abuse recovery

The high level narcissist, engine running at full tile, plots and schemes how to garner and grab more—wealth, material possessions, prestige, adulation, praise, fame…endless supplies to keep his/her ego fully inflated. 

They operate in the harsh arenas of people being expendable and interchangeable. Everyone is a commodity that will assist them their highest manic ambitions. 

Greedy high level narcissists never look back or reflect on the gut wrenching traumas they have perpetrated on those who trusted them and gave freely of themselves. 

There is a time of reckoning when your inner wisdom, insights and research speak to you when you know that you will be separating from this alignment with the high level narcissist. You have clarity, perseverance and vision now as you step forward to retrieve and build and evolve ever stronger and more resolute the power and beauty of your true original self. You have chosen the pathway of self care, transformation and creativity. Celebrate your individuality.  

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Quoting from my book: Freeing Yourself From the Narcissist in Your Life: “Envy is a secret, taboo emotion. People don’t talk about their envies. Being envious makes us look bad…envy in the narcissist is skillfully hidden…After all , he knows he is the best. Why should he be envious of someone who is his inferior.”

The narcissist makes up for his inability to have a genuine relationship by desiring what others have. He devalues other human beings, especially those he views as having more social and financial advantages…”

“Beneath all the bravado–the elaborate facade of superiority, grand delusions and haughty disdain of others, lies an insatiable hunger for what others have.” 

You are very different from the high level narcissist: genuine, of fine character, wise, knowledgeable, empathic. You are moving forward along your own pathway of healing, recovery, transformation and creativity. 

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Narcissists crowd our world today. They are our spouses, ex-spouses, relatives, bosses, co-workers, spiritual mentors, friends. our society rewards high level narcissists handsomely with praise, adulation, celebrity, wealth, social status. The narcissist’s raison d’etre is winning. As long as he/she achieves his goals, nothing else matters. Personal problems, even those of close family members, are too messy and time consuming. Individuals with this personality disorder are ethically and morally challenged. 

Narcissists weave grand visions of success that are designed to lead them to stashes of wealth, power, prestige and control. Winning electrifies the narcissist; it is the engine, the fire that keeps him going. They hire bright talented people to implement their ideas. They take advantage of their assistants by underpaying them and overpromising while they carefully maintain their elite lifestyles.

Above all, the high level narcissist is deceptive in all of his relationships and transactions. 

Some narcissistic dreams go astray. The high level narcissist takes the blame off of himself and onto his “underlines.” 

Protect yourself from becoming enmeshed in the narcissist’s destructive web. Learn to identify the high level narcissist in your personal and professional life. Steer clear of them if you can. Assert your grounded individuality and strong sense of self. Appreciate who you are. Get the sleep and rest that you deserve; movement and exercise; nourishing food and good hydration, a spiritual practice how you define this, experience of beauty and nature. 

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High level narcissists perpetrate tremendous stress on other human beings – their spouses, ex-spouses, children through their pernicious lying, deceptions and manipulations.  High level narcissists who succeed in the world preserve their pristine images by having favored members of their tight inner circles do their dirty work. 

There are extraordinary individuals who through their research, perseverance, insights and intuitions move forward along their own pathways.  I give them so much credit for their psychological strength and grit.  These are individuals of great character.  

They are unique individuals of fine character.  They are tremendous people and we honor them. 

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You grew up as a child of maternal deprivation. Your mother’s presence was neither loving nor protective. Early on you knew that Narcissistic Mama (or Mothering Figure) couldn’t stand your presence, even as a little child.

Psychiatrist and researcher Dr. John Bowlby created the term Maternal Deprivation to describe a mother’s lack of attachment and warmth toward her child communicated as cold dismissiveness and lack of empathy. 

As adult some of these children feel guilt and shame, a deep sense of unease for being imperfect and letting mother down. 

As babies they looked into their mother’s eyes and discovered a void–a cold uncaring, dismissive “don’t come near me” revulsion.

Enter the high level nrcissist, infused with magnetic charm, command of self, energetic, self-confident, charismatic. Children of narcissistic mothers become entrance with the high level narcissist. 

Marriage and partnership with the high level narcissist is exciting in the beginning.

After a short period of time the narcissistic partner reveals their cruel, demanding, manipulative side. You are the object of cruel, obnoxious projections, frequently in private behind closed doors. 

You feel anxious, jumpy, waiting for the next volley of insults and recriminations…Why do you tolerate this kind of treatment?

You were traumatized as a small child and now you are being -re-traumatized by your narcissistic spouse. 

This is your time and opportunity for awakening to the true nature of the high level narcissist. 

You become clear that you will move forward along your own pathway of recovery, transformation and the continued evolution of your true self. 

Along the way you learn to be self entitled, deserving of inner peace, worthy of trust and warmth, the full use of your creative gifts.

Practice self care: rest, sleep, movement/exercise, food, hydration, Nature. 

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There are large numbers of children who were “raised” by narcissistic mothers. I used the world “raised” with question  because these individuals are incapable of true mothering. Psychoanalyst Alice Miller describes the psychodynamics between the narcissistic mother and her child: “the child…was the narcissistically cathected (chosen) object. What these mothers had once failed to find in their own mothers they were able to find in their children: someone at their disposal who can be used as an echo, who can be controlled,  is completely centered on them, will never desert them, and offers full attention and admiration.”

Some adult children of narcissistic mothers continue to play this role of servant and adorer throughout their lives…They grow up knowing only that they survive by being and remaining attached, fused and loyal only to mother. 

Some of these individuals awaken at some point in their development and recognize that they have been imprisoned in a psychological and emotional gulag. 

Some adult children through their own self analysis, psychotherapy, support groups, the working of their insights, discover that they deserve to be released from this nightmare of captivity. They awaken and recognize that they can work to becoming an evolving individual in their own right. 

 You deserve great credit for moving forward along your own pathways of recovery, transformation, evolution and creativity.

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  Quoting from my book about the rediscovery of the authentic self –

Recovering and Healing After the Narcissist: “Music resounds through the body/mind, awakening and expanding our human possibilities. Music takes us away from distracting conscious thoughts. and into a sensory world of relaxation and freedom.”

“Music transports us to other worlds. Our moods shift, our spirits lighten; we shed our emotional burdens without thinking.”

“Great music surprises and calms us. It is a friend that soothes us. 

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Presenting the extreme psychological deprivations and abuse sustained by children of narcissistic mothers.

Quoting from my book: Recovering and Healing After the Narcissist:

“The narcissistic mother’s focus i s on acting out her primitive desires…  This callousness and extreme self involvement leave her children without any form of emotional and psychological sustenance. Mother is an empty lap with no arms for embracing, no warmth for protection, no emotional steadiness for security, no gesture of tenderness.”

“Some narcissistic mothers fool many with their pseudo solicitousness about their children’s needs.”

I tell the true story of the great writer Rudyard Kipling and his sister who suffered from the horrible traumas of being abandoned for many years by their parents. This is based on a psychobiography by psychoanalyst Dr. Leonard Shengold. 

Focus on your self care: rest and sleep that you need and deserve, hydration and nourishing food, movement/exercise your way, your spiritual practice as you define this. 

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 Quoting from my book: Freeing Yourself from the Narcissist in Your Life: 

“On the surface the empathy of the narcissist seems to be genuine. With a mastery of social graces and his/her quick study of human nature, the high level narcissistic personality appears to care about our deepest and most intimate thoughts and feelings. He uses this ability to tap into the other person’s narcissistic needs for admiration, praise, recognition and power. Behind the feigned attentiveness and apparent concern is cool calculation. “

Pseudo empathy is packaged as a finely tuned performance, an ac that convinces most people.:

“The narcissist always has a variety of scenarios in mind for those caught in his web of enchantment He/she wants something that each one can supply him/her: money, entree to powerful connections, a stunning woman or man at is side…Like any great predator—an eagle in the highest branch of a fir tree who sees all: a red tailed hawk figure-eighting in the open sky, a cheetah stalking in the tall golden grasses.”

The high level narcissist is a restless, conscience-less being, high flyer, always seeking, gratifying himself/herself. 

Ultimately the high level is always an exploiter, who  will get what he wants no matter the price paid by the individuals who get caught in their golden circles or complex webs. 

You have been through a series of ordeals with the high level narcissist and now you understand their true nature and know that you can no longer be a part of their inner circle entourage. 

You value your true self, your individuality, your creative gifts, your fullness as a grounded, unique individual: strong, resilient, spiritual, grounded, whole. 

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Quoting from my book: Recovering and Healing After the Narcissist:

“We re born in complete dependence and vulnerability. Within us are the developmental seeds for individuation–a word that describes the growing edge of a strong solid person who will flourish, expand and deepen as he responds to the imprint that is solely his.”

“Separate and individuate from your narcissistic partner or spouse and narcissistic family.” 

Practice self care: beautiful music that puts you in the parasympathetic mode. Diaphragmatic breathing activates the parasympathetic, the calming, restorative, transformative part of the body/mind systems.