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Tag: narcissistic abuse

Leaving Your Narcissistic Parent Behind – Five Steps

Growing up as the child of a narcissistic parent is one of the most difficult and complex life histories a child can experience. The psychopathology of the narcissist is deep and daunting. As a baby and young child you were subjected to the full force of the narcissistic personality. Quoting from my book: Recovering and Healing After the Narcissist offers a clear picture of this fixed personality:

Narcissistic personality disorders are characterized by extreme self-absorption, lack of empathy, ruthlessness, incapacity for emotional intimacy, volcanic rage, chronic lying, deceit and exploitation.

1. Your restoration and healing begins with your deep research and study of the true nature of the narcissistic parent. This is a foundational step for moving forward as a psychologically grounded individual. 

2. Children of narcissistic parents grow up with blocked emotions. Their feelings were stifled because it was psychologically dangerous to express themselves…Now that you are in the process of awakening to yourself allow feelings to come through.

3. Recognizing that the deprivations and psychological abuse projected on to yu was not your fault. You were the innocent child the victim of the narcissistic parent’s cruel, wanton projections. You were on the receiving end as an innocent child who was blameless. Take this truth inside and let it resonate deeply within you. 

4. Practice self care each day. Make it simple and do it your way. Get the rest and sleep that you need. Eat nourishing food, organic if possible. Hydrate well with pure water. Movement and exercise reduce stress, stretch our muscle and make us stronger with greater endurance. Spend time with Nature. 

5. Tap into your creativity each day. This takes as many forms as there are individuals. Think of all the ways you are creative: drawing, painting, sketching, sewing, quilting, photography, woodworking, all forms of writing, doing research on what fascinates you, crocheting, knitting, sewing.  

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How Hijackals Confuse You Through Cognitive Empathy

Yet, it feels real, and you SO want it to be real. There’s where the manipulation and confusion sets in. In this episode, I let you in on the secret that, much as you want it to be real, it isn’t. (Did I mention that?) You need to see that clearly to keep from being hurt further! Empathy is defined in the Merriam-Webster dictionary this way: “the action of understanding, being aware of, being sensitive to, and vicariously experiencing the feelings, thoughts, and experience of another of either the past or present without having the feelings, thoughts, and experience fully communicated in an objectively explicit manner.” Wow! That would be great, however, that’s not what you get when you’re in a relationship with a Hijackal–a narcissistic, anti-social, or borderline personality. They are not empathy deficient but usually rely on cognitive empathy. That’s a darker kind of empathy that is constructed in the mind, but doesn’t much touch the heart. Hijackals use cognitive empathy as a tool to love-bomb you, to encourage you to be vulnerable with them. Then, what do they do with those vulnerabilities? They turn them on you later like stored ammunition, or they use the information to benefit themselves in other ways. Nasty! HIGHLIGHTS OF TODAY’S EPISODE:What cognitive empathy isHow cognitive empathy is different from emotional empathyWhy cognitive empathy is unsatisfying…and unsettling when you actually see it for what it isHow Hijackals use cognitive empathy to make you feel safer for a bit and why they do itWhy it’s important to recognize the differences between cognitive empathy and the emotional empathy you are wanting but won’t arriveAre you being used and confused by a Hijackal demonstrating cognitive empathy? I’m here to help.Let’s talk soon.RhobertaWant clarity, insights, strategies, and support from me? We can talk: Introductory session for new clients, $97CONNECT WITH ME: I invite you to like my pages and follow for further help with recognizing toxic relationships, realizing their impact, realigning your life, and recovering your self-confidence and ability to love and trust again.FOLLOW DR. RHOBERTA SHALER…WEBSITE: https://www.ForRelationshipHelp.comPODCASThttp://www.SaveYourSanityPodcast.comFACEBOOKhttps://www.Facebook.com/RelationshipHelpDoctorTWITTERhttps://www.Twitter.com/RhobertaShalerLINKEDINhttps://www.LinkedIn.com/in/RhobertaShalerINSTAGRAMhttps://www.Instagram.com/DrRhobertaShalerPINTERESThttps://www.Pinterest.com/RhobertaShalerCLUBHOUSE: @drshalerYOUTUBE: https://www.youtube.com/ForRelationshipHelp————————————————————-I‘M HERE TO HELP YOU FIGURE OUT WHAT’S GOING ON AND WHAT YOU WANT TO DO ABOUT IT!If you want to learn more, share, ask questions, and feel more powerful within yourself and your relationships,join my Community Circle now.Off social media, safe discussion + videos + articles + webinars + 2 group Ask Me Anything calls each month!WOW! Join now. Dr. Shaler’s Emerging Empowered Community #cognitiveempathy #emotionalempathy #lackingempathy #unsafetobevulnerable #exploitingmyvulnerabilities #hownarcissistsusecognitiveempathy #cognitiveempathycanbemanipulation #lovebombing #gettingmetotalk #pretendingtocareaboutme #pretendingtobeinterestedinme #codependence #enabling #emotionalabuserecovery #emergingempowered#savemysanity #saveyoursanity #relationshipadvice #tipsforrelationships #Hijackals #emotionaltrauma #toxicpeople #mentalhealthmatters #MHNRNetwork #RhobertaShaler #narcissists #borderlines #emergingempowered #antisocial #difficultpeople #emotionalabuse #verbalabuse #stopemotionalgabuse #drshaler #toxicrelationships #manipulation #walkingoneggshells #mentalhealth #emotionalhealth #abuse #narcissisticabuse #boundaries #personalitydisorder #difficultpeople #antisocialbehavior #lackingempathy #journorequest #prrequestSupport this show http://supporter.acast.com/hijackals-conflict-toxic-people-narcissist. See acast.com/privacy for privacy and opt-out information.

10 Signs You're Healing Childhood Emotional Wounds

In this episode, Lisa A. Romano discusses the 10 signs that you are healing from childhood emotional wounds. Childhood trauma can cause us to remain frozen in time and without a deep dive into the past, where we can learn to process the emotions we once did not know how to release or integrate, we can remain stuck. These signs are clear indicators that you are healing. 

 

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5 Ways Narcissists Win

In this episode, Lisa A. Romano discusses the 5 ways narcissists will win in daily life, which you need to be aware of. Why? When you don’t know how the narcissist manipulates, you can’t avoid their tactics. If you do learn about these ideas, you can remain in your own lane.

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High Level Narcissists Re-Traumatize Children of Narcissistic Parents

If you were traumatized as a child, growing up in a narcissistic family, you were often in a state of distress, hypervigilance, chronic anxiety. Your sympathetic nervous system, the fight or flight mode was over-worked. You could not let down and become relaxed. Growing up you were constantly on edge. You were raised by narcissists who could not be trusted, were incapable of genuine love, caring or warmth. You often felt waves of tremendous anxiety coursing through you. Chronic anxiety was a constant companion. You were besieged with insomnia. This is very understandable since you could trust no one. 

No one in the family ever came to comfort you or made any effort to understanding what you were feeling. Displays of emotions were not allowed. They were scoffed at, derided and became the subject of scorn. 

Being married to a high level narcissist you are often criticized, humiliated, demeaned, controlled, questioned and screamed at. In the beginning everything seemed almost perfect. Months go by and you notice chinks in this perfect false facade.When he makes huge mistakes you are blamed. Then the projections rev up. ..Your narcissistic spouse is always right and you are wrong. You are the culprit in every instance. Over time the high level creates a psychological climate of anxiety, extreme stress that becomes intolerable. There is no empathy coming from the high level. Your stress level heightens. Yo recognize that you are being re-traumatized by this narcissistic spouse. Memories of your toughest years of growing up in your narcissistic family from hell flash through your mind You feel that you are back there with the generalized anxiety, feelings of inadequacy.

You come to a time of awakening with all of your research and wisdom and revelation—Now you choose your own pathway of restoration and renewal to fulfill your destiny as a unique, creative evolved individual. 

Practice self care: nourishing food, good hydration, Nature, movement and exercise, positive self regard, spending time with individuals whom you trust, your form of spiritual practice. 

Give yourself tremendous credit for finding your way—for persevering and rediscovering the beauty and power of your true original self.

The high level becomes picky and criticizes you over the smallest issues. 

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High Level Narcissists Double Down on Their Hubris and Toxic Greed

Today we are surrounded by narcissistic personalities, some of them high level: those individuals who are financially and socially successful. Many are exceedingly charming and easily psychologically magnetize people to them. 

Their identities are defined by their obsession with climbing to the top professionally, monetarily and socially. Nothing else matters to them. These individuals are highly self confident, look down upon others, tend o be aggressive personalities who push others aside using cunning, well placed lies and subterfuges, plots and plans t make sure that they wind. If they have to cause distress and disappointment to others along the way, this doesn’t matter to them. 

Getting to the top is all that matters.

High levels are exceedingly greedy. 

Along with their greed, the high level possesses extreme hubris. Coming from the Latin this means excessive pride or arrogance. Hubris is part of the package that the high level presents to the world and all of those who have to deal with them.

Those who are married to or partnered with the high level are on a very mixed journey. 

Ultimately you are dealing with a severe personality disorder.

There is a time of awakening when you make the decision to move forward along pathways of individual fulfillment, solitude and your unique creativity. 

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RECOGNIZING THE MANIPULATION OF TRIANGULATION

Clearly see how narcissistic people try to control information flow by going through other people, their desired “flying monkeys.” Are there other people in your relationship with the Hijackal who are being approached by the Hijackal to serve their purposes? Do they engage them? Learn how to think about all that!SO important to recognize triangulation when it is happening! If it’s already happened, you can benefit from seeing the interactions and taking action, too. The point of triangulation by a toxic person in a relationship is to create stress, confusion, anxiety for others while creating a sense of collusion with the narcissist, anti-social, histrionic, or other Hijackal. It works. It particularly works on you, the target, because you have learned to second-guess yourself and even question your sanity, in some cases. Hijackals use triangulation because it makes them feel important and in control of the relationships, the one with you and the ones with others colluding with them. Triangulation is when a toxic person brings a third person into a relationship so that the toxic person can remain in control and manipulate the situation. The whole strategy is toxic, too! Why they do it, how they do it, and how to recognize it while it’s happening is the topic of this episode. HIGHLIGHTS OF TODAY’S EPISODE:What triangulation is and its purposeWhy Hijackals feel powerful using triangulationHow unsuspecting people get taken in by the Hijackals manipulationsWhat flying monkeys areHow flying monkeys play into triangulation and are seduced by a false sense of loyalty Not sure how to begin setting boundaries with a toxic person in your life? I’m here to help.Let’s talk soon.RhobertaWant clarity, insights, strategies, and support from me? We can talk: Introductory session for new clients, $97CONNECT WITH ME: I invite you to like my pages and follow for further help with recognizing toxic relationships, realizing their impact, realigning your life, and recovering your self-confidence and ability to love and trust again.FOLLOW DR. RHOBERTA SHALER…WEBSITE: https://www.ForRelationshipHelp.comPODCASThttp://www.SaveYourSanityPodcast.comFACEBOOKhttps://www.Facebook.com/RelationshipHelpDoctorTWITTERhttps://www.Twitter.com/RhobertaShalerLINKEDINhttps://www.LinkedIn.com/in/RhobertaShalerINSTAGRAMhttps://www.Instagram.com/DrRhobertaShalerPINTERESThttps://www.Pinterest.com/RhobertaShalerCLUBHOUSE: @drshalerYOUTUBE: https://www.youtube.com/ForRelationshipHelp————————————————————-I‘M HERE TO HELP YOU FIGURE OUT WHAT’S GOING ON AND WHAT YOU WANT TO DO ABOUT IT!If you want to learn more, share, ask questions, and feel more powerful within yourself and your relationships,join my Community Circle now.Off social media, safe discussion + videos + articles + webinars + 2 group Ask Me Anything calls each month!WOW! Join now. Dr. Shaler’s Emerging Empowered Community #manipulation #triangulation #narcissistictriangulation #creatingconflictthroughtriangulation #creatingconflict #nastythingsnarcissistsdo #whydomyparentsagreewiththenarcissist #flyingmonkeys #flyingmonkeysandtraiangulation #codependence #enabling #emotionalabuserecovery #emergingempowered#savemysanity #saveyoursanity #relationshipadvice #tipsforrelationships #Hijackals #emotionaltrauma #toxicpeople #mentalhealthmatters #MHNRNetwork #RhobertaShaler #narcissists #borderlines #emergingempowered #antisocial #difficultpeople #emotionalabuse #verbalabuse #stopemotionalgabuse #drshaler #toxicrelationships #manipulation #walkingoneggshells #mentalhealth #emotionalhealth #abuse #narcissisticabuse #boundaries #personalitydisorder #difficultpeople #antisocialbehavior #lackingempathy #journorequest #prrequestSupport this show http://supporter.acast.com/hijackals-conflict-toxic-people-narcissist. See acast.com/privacy for privacy and opt-out information.

Scapegoat Child in Narcissistic Family System

Narcissistic families exist. Moms and dads can turn on one child, and sadly the siblings of the family can often follow suit. If you are the scapegoated child, you will be punished for your emotional honesty and integrity. Lisa A. Romano the Breakthrough Life Coach Breaks it all down!

Online Codependency Recovery Program

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Contact 

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Facebook Support Group

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10 Signs You're TEXTING a Narcissist

If you’re relying on texts to get to know someone before meeting them, here are 10 signs you might be texting someone who lacks empathy, feel entitled, and sees others as pawn pieces rather than autonomous human beings deserving of mutual respect. Lisa A. Romano the Breakthrough Life Coach breaks it down for us. 

 

Online Codependency Recovery Program

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YouTube Channel

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@lisaaromano

Contact 

support.coach@lisaaromano.co

Facebook Support Group

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10 Reasons Narcissists Hate You

Narcissists don’t see you as an autonomous human being with needs and wants. They don’t place a high value on empathy, reciprocity, fairness, mutual respect, or compassion. Others are pawns on a chessboard and the better you become at spotting narcissistic traits in those you know, the fewer rabbit holes down you will go. Lisa A. Romano the Breakthrough Life Coach breaks it all down. 

Online Codependency Recovery Program

https://www.lisaaromano.com/12-wbcp

YouTube Channel

http://bit.ly/32zOvUh

Instagram

@lisaaromano

Contact 

support.coach@lisaaromano.co

Facebook Support Group

https://www.facebook.com/groups/adultchildrenofalcoholics/

 

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