Tag: Narcissists

Quotes from Sister Wendy Beckett’s television presentation from the great cave art of Lascaux:  “With only their flickering lamps to guide them the cave men felt their way down into the earth…What they paint are the great bulls and bison and the wild deer; all the animals they didn’t hunt but they watched them. “

“It’s that looking with awe and wonder that makes Lascaux what it is because all these animals are beautiful…  But art isn’t like that, art is about being human. Children make art instinctively. Archeologist know when they find evidence of at they found evidence of human beings. All that is best in us, our desires, our hopes, our truth.” 

Quote from my book: Recovering and Healing After the Narcissist about Color and its contribution to your individuality and creativity.

Presenting the magnificent painting by Johannes Vermeer, Dutch painter of Delft called: Girl with A Pearl Earring. She is called the Mona Lisa of the North. This magnificent painting engages us on a personal level. We are in communication with this girl of fascination, beauty and individuality. She is present with us in this moment. 

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High level narcissists have no respect for the needs, feelings, individuality and wishes of others. They are disinterested in others—fascinated by everything “me.”. The high level narcissist looks to find a compliant narcissistic supply who will keep his/her ego fully inflated. 

Spouses of high level narcissists have difficulty drawing clear lines of differentiation between their needs for self respect and privacy because the narcissist is so intimidating. 

Develop strong psychological boundaries by practicing self respect, honoring your individuality, self care routines: rest, sleep, movement/exercise, nourishing food, grounding through yoga poses, walking, calming the breath.  

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The high level narcissist, though charming, accomplished and charismatic, is psychologically shallow For most it is the achievement of the perfect image and persona that supersedes the personality. The high level uss a series of powerful defense mechanisms that keep him/her from searching for self truth and insight. This is not their focus. They are driven to succeed in the world, to compete and win against others who would dare to play against them. Their values are materialistic, have a surface veneer that shines brightly on the outside and hides the shallow empty horrors deep in their disturbed psyches. 

It is automatic for the high level for taking no blame since these individuals don’t develop a conscience.

With research and intuitive wisdom you recognize that you can no longer share yourself with a loathsome being who is transforming himself/herself into a monstrous vision of himself. 

Now is your time for separating yourself away from this daily nightmare.

You are on your way. Give yourself special attribution for the journey you are taking on the pathway of the original self. 

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There is a common thread that runs through many marriages to narcissists, especially when rumblings of a divorce are in the ait. Before the lightening strikes it is not unusual for the narcisistic spouses to have hidden the financial assets. 

Narcissists are chronic liars. You cannot change these characteristics.

Besides the financial matters, the narcissist is psychologically and emotionally eclipsing your days. 

When you decide the marriage is no longer working with the narcissist, create your own plan in advance of the separation and divorce. Make sure that you interview two lawyers and more if necessary to find an expert in divorce law.  Be sure this person is your excellent advocate and has a fine character.

This is a complex process. I give you so much credit for making this decision and following through. 

You now are moving along the pathways of the authentic original self and deserve tremendous credit for taking the initiative and persevering. 

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Quoting from my book Freeing Yourself From the Narcissist in Your Life: “The narcissist puts his life in neat compartment that are separate from one another…These are kept separate from the unconscious parts of himself that feel depressed, enraged, empty and helpless. 

Without a developed conscience the high level continues his acting out patterns. The compartmentalization keeps the ego of the high level narcissist fully inflated. It is smooth sailing for them to act out in duplicitous ways with different partners. 

The renowned painter Pablo Picasso often had affairs with several women going at one time.

High level narcissists never apologize or look back with regret over the psychological and emotional abuse they have instigated. The simply move on to the next man or woman who fulfills their needs for adoration, libidinal excitement, veneration, constant attention. 

The high level narcissist with extraordinary charm, allure and irresistibility, glides through his/her days like a member of royalty. . There is a special vibration that the high level possesses that is challenging to define. When you are in th presence of certain high level you feel so good. There is an excitement that moves throughout your body/mind in the presence of a particularly gifted high level narcissist. The eyes of the high level almost embrace you, giving off an air of seduction. Some feel an immediate attachment to these high level narcissist.

For many years you played your role of partner and spouse to the  high level narcissist, knowing he/she was psychologically toxic. You go through a series of defined now familiar patterns beginning with the spellbound days of thrills, magic excitement and awe; then the resumption of rifts with the exposure of new lies and betrayals; coming to the edge of separation from this impossible conundrum of a relationship. 

You are now full circle and heavy with exceptional exhaustion. In the past you jacked yourself up with coffee, plunged into exercise, distracted yourself with fantasies and fancies. The tricks have worn thin; they don’t work anymore. 

One woman described her impossible states as she screamed: “I can’t take one more step. Brushing my teeth wears me out. I fall into bed exhausted but in the middle of the night I stare at the ceiling for hours in severe distress and worry. My nerves are always ragged and frayed despite my extreme fatigue.”

The high level narcissist preys on your weaknesses, your sense of inappropriate guilt, your need to over extend yourself to others. 

Deep inside this time you pay attention to the voice of wisdom, your intuition that tells you to leave this highly abuse relationship, that this is your time of transformation. You deserve respite, rest, solitude, calmness, listening to the voice of your unique creativity and a grounded sense of self entitlement

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