Tag: resilience

Overview
What are the steps leaders need to take in cultivating a mindset of psychological well-being and a caring community? In this podcast, Cal Beyer and I analyze the steps many leaders have taken to make suicide prevention and mental health promotion health and safety priorities at work.

About Cal Beyer
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Cal is Vice President of Workforce Risk and Mental Wellbeing at Cobb Strecker Dunphy Zimmerman (CSDZ). For 100 years, CSDZ has specialized in construction insurance, surety and risk management. CSDZ, along with parent company Holmes Murphy & Associates, serve construction clients nationally with 16 offices in 11 states. Prior to joining CSDZ, Cal was the director of risk management for Lakeside Industries in Issaquah, WA.

Cal has 30 years of work experience. He is a past National Secretary for the Construction Financial Management Association (CFMA). It was Cal’s leadership that led to the formation of the Construction Industry Alliance for Suicide Prevention. Engineering News-Record magazine, the global voice of construction industry, named Cal a Top 25 Newsmaker for 2016 for his work launching suicide prevention in the construction. He is currently serving as the “peer editor” for a third annual series of articles for Construction Executive magazine on mental health, suicide prevention, addiction recovery and wellbeing.

For more information on this and every episode go to sallyspencerthomas.com/hope-illuminated-podcast/57

“Never trust a man who doesn’t drink,” John Wayne

From the Rat Pack to Animal House to Ernest Hemingway to John Wayne, many cultural icons of masculinity have glamorized the idea that booze puts hair on your chest.

The Tough Guy Culture and Addiction
Traditional American messages of masculinity teach boys to be lone wolves and to stuff down emotions. Feelings (except anger) then become taboo. This messaging creates a problem for boys and men who feel fear, grief, shame and more and don’t have role models on how to express these emotions openly. Instead, men often learn to take action when feeling these feelings by numbing emotions or distracting themselves with many forms of addictive behavior.

Traditional norms of masculinity also endorse ideals of self-control. Thus, despite high levels of substance use triggered by conflict, pain, and uncomfortable feelings, many men believe they can control their substance use well past the point of significant consequences in relationships, work and health. Because of this, they often wait until their use is causing catastrophic outcomes before they reach out to, or more typically accept others’ help.

Add to this dynamic the need for young people to experience “coming of age” rituals to make a shift from child to adult. For many young men and teens risky behavior around substances often fit the bill. Competition, fearlessness and invulnerability fuel increasingly dangerous pathways to addiction, especially for young adults who are genetically predisposed to have vulnerability to substance use disorders. In this podcast Rourke Weaver and I talk about how cultures of masculinity can fuel problems in addiction — and how they can also be leveraged powerfully when groups of men come together in recovery.

About Rourke Weaver
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Rourke Weaver is the current Director of Operations at Spero Recovery. Before joining Spero Rourke spent the previous three years at Red Rock Recovery Center as the Director of Business Development. While at Red Rock Recovery, he was instrumental in transforming a newly created and underinformed program into one of the most trusted programs in Colorado. The eight years before that Rourke worked in the Recovery Support Services field with The Phoenix, where he ran programing, opened chapters in Colorado and nationally, lead events and started his advocacy work. This experience led him to form a deep passion for the power of community and the necessity for greater focus on building stronger bridges into recovery. Taking the love he has for recovery, finding a sense of belonging and the previous decade working in the field of Recovery, he joined the team at Spero to build a program that was affordable for Colorado families and operated as a place of community and connection first rather than what insurance will pay or clinical modalities. This is by no means to say these are not necessary programs Rourke simply believes that diversity in programs and accessibility are very important.

Being an advocate for Treatment, Recovery and Recovery Support Services he has, and continues to, engage in the discussion around substance use disorder, recently passing legislation and organizing stakeholders to fight for better regulation and better funding for both Treatment and Recovery. Rourke is the Attorney General Appointed Co-Chair of the Recover Ready Colorado work group, tasked with presenting the Recovery Strategic plan for Colorado. He is the Vice President of Colorado Recovery Residencies, Colorado Professional Liaison Association – Leadership committee, and member with the Colorado Providers Association.

Rourke continues to have a deep passion for programming and working with those in or seeking recovery. Truly enjoying the process of building strong teams, meaningful programming and honest connections that becomes a lasting pillar for long-term recovery.

In his free time Rourke is an avid practitioner of Brazilian Jiu-jitsu, mountain biking and enjoys time with his wonderful Family and Friends.

Show Notes
Rourke’s Story
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Rourke’s story is featured in the Guts, Grit & The Grind book: https://www.amazon.com/Guts-Grit-Grind-MENtal-Mechanics/dp/0578658135/ref=sr_1_1?keywords=guts+grit+and+the+grind&qid=1584486371&sr=8-1

More on Rourke’s story: https://www.thesputnik.ca/rourke-weavers-story-of-triumph-over-addiction-turning-severe-alcoholism-into-an-athletic-passion/

Resources for Men Seeking Recovery for more information on this episode got to https://www.sallyspencerthomas.com/hope-illuminated-podcast/56

Overview
The decision to share one’s story about living with depression, addiction, suicidal ideation, or any other emotional challenge is deeply personal and worthy of reflection. With the nonprofit I help oversee, United Suicide Survivors International, we encourage people with lived experience to ask themselves, “Am I Ready” (on-line course) before sharing their story publicly. By weighing the pros and cons of sharing and preparing strategies of self-care that are helpful during the sometimes challenging process of crafting the narrative, storytellers can be in a better position to make a difference.

In this podcast I sit down with Cameron Stout, a securities defense lawyer who is boldly being “vocal, visible and visionary” in his industry by sharing his journey through and resilient recovery from depression and alcoholism. Attorneys are often type A professionals who are driven to succeed, yet often are reluctant to express vulnerability and share personal challenges. By speaking publicly about his recovery from major depression in 2013, and describing his seven years of sobriety, Cam reduces stigma, and helps others find the courage to be open. In addition to telling his story, Cam outlines the therapies, treatment, and wellness practices that have been key in his recovery process. As Cam will describe for us, his mission of being a storyteller has also been a large part of his own healing, as it can be for all of us.

About Cameron Stout
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Cameron Stout is a nationally recognized securities defense litigator and a mediator. In late 2012, his legal career was derailed for over a year by a major depressive episode that required hospitalization. As a result of several modes of therapy, the love of family, friends and colleagues, and his own hard work, Cam is standing on the other side of the abyss of mental illness, and is seven years sober. Cam describes his journey in a short video, and in an article in the Princeton Alumni Weekly:

https://vimeo.com/230186411

https://paw.princeton.edu/article/essay-how-i-survived-depression

Feeling better in many ways than he ever has, Cam is paying his resilient recovery forward by sharing his message of hope and recovery with students, educators, and other professionals.

In July, 2018, Cam founded Stout Heart, Inc., a 501(c)(3) that supports the pro bono presentations that he makes to high school, college, and law students (including at Harvard and Stanford). www.stoutheart.org

Cam’s message is timely and powerful: The pernicious stigma around these illnesses is a dangerously false narrative that must be stamped out. Mental health conditions are just that, health conditions, not weaknesses. They are not our fault, and there is tremendous hope for ongoing recovery and effective management of these challenges.

In addition to candidly sharing his own lived experience, Cam discusses ways to identify and address mental health and addiction issues. He also describes his strategies for self-care, and how to build the mindful resilience and the perspective that we all need in order to learn, work, and live with a lighter heart and a more focused mind.

Cam graduated in 1980 from Princeton University, where he was a member of the varsity tennis team. Following his graduation with honors from the University of San Francisco School of Law, Cam practiced for decades as a securities litigator, defending financial services companies in customer disputes and employment cases. He is an active mediator in those practice areas as well. The very proud father of two adult children, Cam now lives in Princeton, New Jersey. For more information on this episode go to https://www.sallyspencerthomas.com/hope-illuminated-podcast/55

Emotional Intelligence — What is it and Why Does it Matter at Work?
Despite being in public awareness for many years, emotional intelligence remains an undervalued competency in many workplaces. The more we learn about the impact of training on emotional intelligence at work, the more we impressed we are with the ways it can affect safety, retention and even insurance costs. If you are an “Alpha” or a “Self-Sacrificer” in your leadership style, you may experience burnout if you are not able to cultivate emotional intelligence skills. In the podcast, we help leaders overcome “the smartest person in the room syndrome, and learn more about the four basic elements to emotional intelligence and the 16 competencies of the EQ-i 2.0:

1) Self-awareness: The ability to tune into our emotions and intuition and have them help guide our decision making along with our reasoning.

2) Self-regulation: The ability to acknowledge our emotions as alarms or signals and attend to them without having them interfere with our functioning. By contrast, people with high emotional intelligence leverage their keen sense of emotions to enhance their well-being.

3) Social awareness: The ability to be in touch with the emotions of others.

4) Relationship management: The ability to leverage this awareness to inspire, influence, build trust and manage conflict.

About Brent Darnell
Brent Darnell
Brent Darnell is a playwright, author, actor, improviser, and Dramatists Guild member. He is also a pioneer in bringing emotional intelligence to the construction industry and has taught people skills to technical people at 100 different companies in 20 different countries. He also teaches these skills at Auburn, Penn State, Virginia Tech, and the University of Cincinnati. He has published eight books on emotional intelligence and people skills for technical people.

“Gratitude unlocks the fullness of life. It turns what we have into enough, and more. It turns denial into acceptance, chaos into order, confusion into clarity. It turns problems into gifts, failures into success, the unexpected into perfect timing, and mistakes into important events. Gratitude makes sense of our past, brings peace for today, and creates a vision for tomorrow.”

~Melodie Beattie

Overview
Gratitude is the foundation of happiness. Practicing gratitude is like “going to the gym” for your emotional resilience. Lifting weights, yoga and jogging help keep up our strength, flexibility and endurance. Daily practices of gratitude and kindness build our mental fitness. In this podcast I speak with the Founder and CEO of Project Helping, Justin Kruger. We discuss how “gratitude in action” helps individuals and communities. Some daily practices we explore are:

1) Building a gratitude inventory through daily reflections or a Hope Kit.

2) Learning to give thanks freely, especially to those whose good work often goes unnoticed.

3) Giving yourself some grace and self-gratitude

4) Finding joy in intentional acts of kindness

Justin Kruger
About Justin Kruger
Justin Kruger started a social enterprise — Project Helping in 2014 after years of regularly volunteering himself in the community. Justin realized the power that volunteering had in helping him to overcome depression and suicidal thoughts and wanted to share that experience with others. The non-profit improves emotional wellbeing and authentic community connection through what Justin has calls kyndfulness, or a daily practice of volunteering, intentional acts of kindness, and gratitude. Justin also founded Kyndhub, an online community that similarly encourages people to do kind things for one another, and Kyndkit, a service that delivers volunteer experiences to communities and businesses — making it simple and fun to be kind. Justin also serves on the Marketing Committee of the Colorado Mental Wellness Network and volunteers at Urban Peak, a nonprofit working to help youth exit homelessness and create self-determined, fulfilled lives. For more information go to https://www.sallyspencerthomas.com/hope-illuminated-podcast/53 Music provided by https://www.royaltyfree-music.com

“Grief is love not wanting to let go.”

When children are grieving a death by suicide, they need the caring adults around them to help them find their way through Wordon’s tasks of mourning:

Task #1: Accept the Reality of the Loss

Task #2: Process the Pain of the Grief

Task #3: Adjust to a World without the Deceased

Task #4: Move on to an Enduring Connection While Embarking on a New Life

In this podcast, I interview Barbara Rubel, author of But I Didn’t Say Goodbye: Helping Families After a Suicide. We walk through specific strategies families and other caring adults can use to support kids bereaved by suicide across many developmental ages.

About Barbara Rubel
Barbara Rubel
Three weeks prior to Barbara Rubel, MA, BCETS, DAAETS, giving birth to triplets, her father died by suicide. Her story was featured in an Emmy award winning documentary, Fatal Mistakes. Barbara is a sought-after keynote speaker who has dedicated her life work to supporting suicide loss survivors and educating professionals about suicide postvention and vicarious trauma. As an author and speaker, she brings a deep understanding of thanatology and personal resilience to her work. Her list of clients span more than 500 organizations. Barbara is a consultant with the U.S. Dept. of Justice, Office for Victims of Crime Training and Technical Assistance Center (OVCTTAC) and co-wrote its training curriculum, Compassion Fatigue/Vicarious Trauma. She received a bachelor of science degree in psychology and a master of arts degree in community health, with a concentration in thanatology, both from Brooklyn College. She is a board-certified expert in traumatic stress, and a diplomate with the American Academy of Experts in Traumatic Stress.

Our best bet in preventing suicide is to get in front of it.

Way in front.

Promoting protective factors will not only reduce the risk of suicide — it also is a great way to build a life worth living. In this podcast, I interview Captain Dena Ali about what we have learned about wellness at work from the fire service and about the mitigating effects of social support, mindfulness and sleep. We also talk about the power of peer support to promote these buffering factors and how small interventions can go a long way. As you listen to Captain Ali, ask yourself, “How can these protective factors of the fire service be translated to other industries and workplaces?

Social Support
A strong support network is the most powerful buffer against PTSD, stress, and suicide. True social connection is based on trust, empathy and vulnerability. We can see at the brain science level how simply talking to others allows us to “know and understand what is going on with us while also processing the memories of the trauma.” According to Dr. Van der Kolk, the body keeps score, “As long as you keep secrets and suppress information, you are fundamentally at war with yourself. Hiding your core feelings takes an enormous amount of energy; it saps your motivation to pursue worthwhile goals, and it leaves you feeling bored and shut down. Meanwhile, stress hormones keep flooding your body, leading to headaches, muscle aches, and irrational behaviors that may embarrass you and hurt the people around you.”

We are hardwired to connect. According to Ali, “Social support is not just being in the presence of other; it requires meaningful connection and a visceral feeling of safety. You have to feel safe to share your thoughts and know that you are understood.”

The fire service has important protectors when it comes to social support like a feeling of camaraderie, familial support, and a communal sense of purpose. Workers pull together around the kitchen table to process the day and check in with one another in meaningful ways.

How can we help workers build out their “A-Team”?

Mindfulness
Ali states, “Mindfulness is the super power that allows humans the opportunity to own the space between a stimulus and the response.” Mindfulness works because it increases activation of the neocortex while decreasing activation of the emotional centers of the brain, which can help mitigate the impact of trauma. Several smartphone applications like Headspace and Calm or the Navy Seal’s Breathing Technique called “box breathing” work to promote resilience.

According to Ali, mindfulness for emotional survival is based on where you put your attention. Victims focus on what they can’t control. Survivors focus on what they can control.

How can skills of mindfulness be used in workplaces to mitigate experiences of overwhelm and other forms of workplace trauma?

Sleep
Sleep disruption is a key contributor to our emotional well-being. The sleeping brain prunes information to let emotionally relevant information stay present while letting irrelevant information fade away. It also helps traumatic events turn into memories experienced from an emotional distance rather than stuck in the reliving part of the brain. Sleep disruption can lead to emotional reactivity — anger, impulsivity and aggression.

When it comes to shift work, employers need to get creative to help workers prioritize quality sleep. Teaching workers about “sleep hygiene” can be a place to start.

What can be done to help workers sleep better?

About Captain Dena Ali
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Dena Ali is a captain with the Raleigh (NC) Fire Department. Ali has a degree from North Carolina State University and an MPA from the University of North Carolina—Pembroke, where her research focused on firefighter suicide. As a graduate student, she was awarded the 2018 MPA student of the year. She has also received several awards throughout her career. One that she is most proud of is the NC Office of State Fire Marshal Honor, Courage, and Valor award that she earned in 2018 for her steadfast effort to bring awareness to firefighter mental health through her vulnerability.

Dena has also served as a subject matter expert at the National Fire Academy where she assisted in curriculum review for their health and wellness curriculum. Dena is an advocate of awareness, education, and understanding of mental health disorders and suicide. She speaks locally and nationally on these topics and is a QPR Suicide Prevention Gatekeeper Instructor. She has written several articles on topics such as suicide prevention, peer support, wellness, and post-traumatic stress. Dena is the founder and director of North Carolina Peer Support where she helped to develop their statewide curriculum

“We are not just human resources, we are human beings.”

A significant workplace traumatic event can make or break a company depending on how well the employer has prepared for it — at the heart of a successful transition through the crisis is the how well leadership connects with the people most impacted by the trauma. In this interview, Tricia Kagerer, an expert in workplace risk management, shares key steps in helping companies move from “it-will-never-happen-here” mentality to building a responsive plan for crisis.

Crisis can be defined as a time of intense danger or difficulty resulting in substantial emotional disregulation and or radical change of status. At the center of many crises a difficult or important decision is often necessary — this moment becomes a turning point for better or worse in this “seismic event.”

Some crises happen at work like trauma/violence, bullying, or downsizing. Sometimes when people’s identity is what they do, even retirement can feel like a crisis to some. Sometimes crises come to work like when an employee experiences a sudden death, a break with a serious mental health condition, a highly conflictual divorce or a significant illness or injury.

When facing these crises, the response by leadership often makes a critical impact on whether those most affected stay stuck in the crises or move towards post-traumatic growth. Many people exposed to a traumatic event, experience personal growth in the form of:

Appreciation of life

Relationships with others

New possibilities in life

Personal strength

Spiritual change

…even while they are also experiencing the very challenging experiences of trauma. What often makes the difference for those who move toward growth and those who do not is interpersonal communication and connectedness after the trauma. About Tricia Kagerer
More: https://www.triciakagerer.com/

Tricia is currently the EVP for Risk Management for Jordan Foster Construction in Texas, a large construction organization that performs civil, multifamily and general contracting across Texas. Tricia leads the risk management, safety and leadership efforts.

Previously she served as a Risk Management Executive for American Contractors Insurance Group where she provided risk management and safety consulting services for contractors across the United States. She is an expert on contractual risk transfer, risk financing, wrap‐ups, subcontractor default insurance, claims management, conflict resolution, and safety.

Tricia is a construction industry expert and speaker on various leadership, risk management and safety topics, including crisis management, emergency response best practices, education across cultures, and servant leadership and diversity.

She holds a master’s degree in dispute resolution from Southern Methodist University in Dallas, Texas, and her bachelor of science in business administration and bachelor of arts in communication—public relations from Regis University in Denver, Colorado.

Her professional credentials include Chartered Property Casualty Underwriter (CPCU); Certified Safety Professional (CSP); Construction Risk Insurance Specialist (CRIS); Associate in Risk Management (ARM); Associate in Claims Management (AIC); licensed Texas claims representative and commercial agent; and served as a construction panel arbitrator with the AAA.

Tricia is the author of the upcoming book “The B Words; 12 Words Every Woman Must Navigate on the Journey to Self Defined Success” where she highlights challenges and breakthrough strategies for women entering non‐traditional roles in the workplace. For more information go to https://www.sallyspencerthomas.com/hope-illuminated-podcast/50

How do we help people in despair overcome emotional pain and reconnect to purpose through an on-line intervention? Connection is the answer. Technology is the tool.

Our on-line technologies can have a whole spectrum of impact on our behavior — from helpful and healthy to harmful and hurtful, and the data we derive from our engagement with technology tells a powerful tale. When “13 Reasons Why” came out on March 31, 2017, I didn’t know anything about it. Five days later it had swept the globe, and the suicide prevention community became very concerned. By July 2017, a JAMA report looked at Google search trends during the 19 days after the show launched. Many terms related to suicide were significantly higher than expected and included increases in help-seeking (e.g., “suicide hotline number” was up 21%) and suicidal thoughts (e.g., “how to commit suicide” was up 26%). It wasn’t until April of 2019, however, did researchers conclude, “The release of 13 Reasons Why was associated with a significant increase in monthly suicide rates among US youth aged 10 to 17 years. Caution regarding the exposure of children and adolescents to the series is warranted.”

Google has partnered with the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline, so searches for phrases like “I want to kill myself” bring up graphic and phone number for this hotline. Facebook has a “report” and “support” functions for friends who are concerned about another’s suicidal on-line posting. Now, through the power of artificial intelligence, they are building algorithms that help them predict who is at risk for suicide. For more on social media and suicide prevention read: http://insurancethoughtleadership.com/social-media-and-suicide-prevention/.

My interview this week is with Anne Moss Rogers. After losing her son Charles to suicide, digital marketing expert, Anne Moss decided to use social media and SEO skills to reach those Googling “ways to die” with the goal of saving lives. The results have been remarkable and unexpected.

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About Anne Moss Rogers
Anne Moss Rogers is also known as the “emotionally naked speaker” is a blogger, TEDx Talk storyteller and a brain tumor survivor. She is the author of “Diary of a Broken Mind”, a mother’s story, a son’s suicide, and the haunting lyrics he left behind. In other words, she is an inspiration of resilience.

As a motivational speaker she helps people foster a culture of connection to prevent suicide, reduce substance misuse, and find life after loss. Despite her family’s best efforts, Anne Moss’ 20-year-old son Charles died by suicide June 5, 2015 after many years of struggle with anxiety, depression, and ultimately addiction. Anne Moss started a blog, EmotionallyNaked.com, and chronicled her family’s tragedy in a newspaper article that went viral.

She has been featured in the New York Times, and was the first suicide loss survivor ever invited to speak at the National Institute of Mental Health (NIMH). She is also a trainer for the 4-hour evidence based training called safeTALK.