Why You Feel Regret—and What You Can Do About It

New research shows that we regret the couldas more than the shouldas.

If you look back over the course of your life, do you feel you took advantage of every opportunity that came your way? Or, are you living with the weight of regret? No matter how accomplished you may be, it’s true that everyone experiences the harsh reality of knowing they failed to take action (link is external) in pursuing something they wanted for themselves.

Is there any other way, really? These are the inevitable realities of living a complex life, a life full of ups and downs. And perhaps, in theory, there’s a small handful of (superpowered) people living regret-free lives. But for the vast majority of us, regret is a real thing that we have to face. So whether you bemoan doing something you wish you hadn’t or miss doing something you wish you had, regret is a universal emotion. No wonder psychologists have taken a keen interest in the topic.

The study of regret goes beyond just missed opportunities and regrettable actions. Recently, researchers have begun to explore the link between regret and a person’s general self-concept. They have started asking such questions as: Do you have a clear sense of who you are, and are you living up to the person you want to be? Are you living your life in a way that fulfills your duties and responsibilities to others?