Tag: toxic personalities

You watch them make their entrances at prestigious private events—their overall “look” is impeccable.  There are no flaws anywhere that you would discover even with an illumination device. You ask yourself: “How could anyone be that perfect?” Attention to detail is over the top. Like a perfect film set there is nothing out of place ever. Everything is focused on his image, entitlements, raw power, significant money making contacts, schemes and ruses for climbing to the summits of power and material largesse. 

The high level narcissist habitually shifts blame on to you when he/she is at fault and has caused you psychological and emotional pain. This is not your fault. Narcissists never take responsibility for their multiple transgressions. They are incapable of empathy or a developed conscience. 

You hear echoes of your role as the outcast in your family of origin. In this pathological family dynamics you were wrong from the beginning. 

High level don’t want you to be fully yourself as an individual; after all you would have a mind completely of your own and be unwilling to obey and tow the line to their overextended egos.  They insist that you play their games and not take the initiative in important matters.

In the beginning the days are exciting; everything is magical.

There is a time when torrents of narcissistic psychopathology rain on you nonstop. The air is thick with the narcissist’s recriminations, criticisms, accusations, ugly projections, flagrant lies. You feel the adrenaline running through your sympathetic nervous system during the day and especially at night. You cannot sleep; you are under siege. The dark shadow of the high level takes its toll on your psychological and emotional reserves. Chronic insomnia becomes part of your long nights. 

There is a time of awakening when you recognize after much research and insight that you can no longer remain in this toxic non relationship with the high level narcissist. 

You are moving forward now, knowing that you can reconstitute yourself as an independent, creative, calmer, grounded individual You feel a sense of peace and wholeness moving inside now. This is your day and time, your moment. Give yourself great credit for the complex and arduous journey you are making. Straight forward you go, seeking truth, wisdom, solitude, beauty, mutual trust and the full use of all of your unique creative gifts.

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Many of them go unnoticed at social events, appearing to be self effacing with a low grade ego. Meet the covert narcissist—that individual who is a narcissistic personality without the elaborate persona. They fool a lot of people with their practiced pseudo empathy and fake humility. Covert narcissists are highly competitive, manipulative, intensely secretive and willing to control you to get what and whom they want like their grandiose cousins. 

Their motive is to win you over and gain your trust. Watch out, the covert narcissist is doing his dirty work.

To protect yourself from the covert narcissist, study every facet of the narcissistic personality. Become keenly aware of their game playing. Learn to detach yourself from the covert narcissist. Some individuals practice their form of meditation and prayer. Exercise, sleep, rest, nutrition, good hydration, creative pursuits. 

You’re in charge of yourself and your reaction to others. You are a unique individual: grounded, creative, persevering, inspiring.

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Quoting from my book: Freeing Yourself From the Narcissist in Your Life: “The narcissist lives in a world of his making, dominated by inflated illusions of self-importance. His version of reality bears no resemblance to the truth…the narcissist believes that everything flows from him. 

High level narcissists who have achieved greatly through their myriad gifts, a mastery of using others to accelerate their climb up the summits of power and largesse, often lead heady lifestyles of glamour, pleasure, material acquisition, an over-weaning sense of self entitlement and personal perfection. 

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As much as you have studied, analyzed and experienced the high level narcissist, the unbounded heights of their grand delusions of self are astounding. Watching them perform is both riveting and appalling.

The high level narcissist builds his/her delusions over time, starting with the earliest years, particularly if he is the golden child. If you are treated and told from baby hood that you are perfect, can make no mistakes, that you reign above others in every respect, it is understandable that certain children would take on the identity of the high level narcissist. 

Contributing to the grand delusion of the narcissist is the lack of conscience which doesn’t develop. This is the result of the parents not placing any limits or boundaries on the budding narcissist. These parents don’t teach this child right or wrong, the capacity for empathy or an interest and respect for individuals other than themselves.

Beneath the surface in the unconscious the high level narcissist is psychologically a two year old child in tantrum mode when he doesn’t get his way. His negative character traits are extraordinary: highly demanding, outrageous, manipulative, exploitive, callousness. 

Are you familiar with this description and analysis of the high level narcissist? Were you married to or partnered with one of these impossible individuals? Did you have to deal with a high level narcissistic parent who treated you with disdain?

Now you are clear about the true nature of the high level narcissist, his delusions, cunning, lack of conscience, exploitation,  mendacity, total lack of empathy. 

This is your season of clarity, discernment, psychological grounded, deep insight. Give yourself great credit for the journey you have taken, the insights you have made, the perseverance that leads you to this point of awakening and choosing yourself, that wonderful individual of courage and wisdom. You ride now with the wind at your back, the vistas re wide and beautiful, the beginnings of new chapters to be written by you are straight ahead.

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Quoting from my book: Recovering and Healing After the Narcissist:

“In the parasympathetic some individuals hear words of healing insight. Others see rich beautiful colors…As you experience the parasympathetic consistently you internalize this experience as part of your real self.” (Recovering and Healing After the Narcissist -Linda Martinez-Lewi, Ph.D. LMFT0

Create zones of beauty and calmness in your home, some displays of color: semi precious stones, collections of yarn, beautiful prints, collages, bright paintings, your special collections, tapestries, small sculptures, origami.  

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The small child inside the empath needs and is entitled to special attention. Here are some of the ways that you activate kindness, appreciation and understanding. You become calmer, stronger and increase your physical, mental and psychological stamina as well as moving into the restorative parasympathetic body/mind systems. 

Get comfortable when you rest. Wear easy fitting clothing that moves with you and is soft and easy against your skin. Res knowing that you are entitled to calming, quiet unscheduled time.

Basic yoga poses put you in the parasympathetic body/mind systems  where you are free and untethered, no demands are made, you are floating in a quiet sea. 

Child’ pose is especially fine for rest and restoration. 

Take naps without judgment.

Listen to beautiful music that calms and restores you.

Enjoy Nature each day.

Listen to a book narrator that puts you into the story, characters, sense of place.

Do everything at your pace. No rushing. Walk and do a firm of meditation on Nature in each moment.

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As a child you were the peacemaker, child servant, invisible child, the quiet one in your family. As a child you didn’t fit in with your family. They had an image of themselves that was developed and highly polished, especially if you had a narcissistic parent or narcissistic mother and father. 

Everything had to be perfect at all times including the children. You remember the strict routines, the multiple layers of external perfection, the grand show. The image was all that mattered: what you wore, your grades, schools you attended, important friends and contacts. This was emphasized. This is the false reality of the narcissistic family.

You are not part of your family’s fairy tale. You are not in the chorus – following the steps by rote. 

You choreograph your own dance. You dream it up, work it out and perform it. beautifully. You are a gifted soloist. 

Follow your intuitive wisdom and listen to the winds of your creativity. 

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Empaths are high ly perceptive, exquisitely sensitive individuals. They are attuned to their external and internal environments. Tehy feel deeply and are often misunderstood by spouses, family members and the world at large.

Empaths who are married or partnered with high level narcissists have a particularly difficult journey.

In this situation with a high level narcissist the empath is accumulating tremendous amounts of oxidative stress. 

Many of you grew up as children of a narcissistic parent or both mother and father. Demands and reprimands were daily occurrences. Narcissistic mother and fathers gave you the message that you didn’t and couldn’t measure up to lowest expectations. You felt irredeemably flawed. For making great efforts to obtain any real attention, warmth, attachment, acceptance never work. You were looked upon with scorn and disgust. No one in your family understood you. 

Married to a high level narcissist you are at the mercy of their recriminations, criticisms, projections.  There is a time of awakening when you can no longer tolerate being controlled by the high level narcissist. 

You come to a time of awakening, an opening to your authentic original self. You practice self care, explore your creativity, learn to access the calming, parasympathetic body/mind systems.  I give you so much credit for restoring your original sense of self and now stand tall: grounded, gifted, going strong. 

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Quotes from my book: Recovering and Healing After the Narcissist: “Creativity is occurring every moment, whether we are awakening, asleep or dreaming. It is a transpersonal experience that redeems us from our life histories.”

“”Imagination is our creative engine. Like a sense of humor imagination is unique to each person, our creative DNA. 

“Encourage the flow of your imagination Be open—there are no rules, limits or boundaries. Follow where your imagination leads you.”

Creativity’s Messengers:

Dreams are a great gift of the unconscious and remain mysterious. Some record their dreams and analyze them. Dreams are the secret to the unconscious. 

Intuitive Sight – Intuition is always with us. It moves faster than the speed of thought.  Intuition always reveals the truth. Honor and pay close attention to your intuitions.

Nature is our home  – the epitome of beauty. We are observers and participants in Nature.

Each season, each day, each moment is unique and beautiful. 

What are your fondest memories of Nature as an adult, a teen, a child:  Each tree is an individual yet they communicate with one another.

Remember the Moon at night and the glorious presence of the Milky Way. 

Notice the magnificence of the colors of flowers – their unique shape and relationship to one another. 

Remembering weather of all kinds: Cold, dark, windy winter,  Remembering the heat of Summer – Coping with high humidity, 

Remember falling asleep outside on an autumn afternoon .

Being at the shore – sky and sea met. Each day watch the life throughout the year 

Here comes the Winter’s shift with snow, ice storms, torrents of rain, thunder and lightening. We feel comfort and soothing when we put on comfortable clothing when we have been cold.

Spring comes with the multitudes of birds, profusion of flowers — magnificent experience.  Color is a great blessing and Nature keeps us in the present.  

We are part of Nature and over hundreds of thousands of years Nature has been our companion, source of necessary sustenance, beauty, creativity, a great companion and friend. 

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