Tag: Abuse

You made a secret deal with yourself. If you keep giving the high level narcissist a pass on his/her lying by omission and commission he will stay with you—you will not be abandoned! It is very difficult reveal to ourselves that we have been so desperate to have gone against our own well being. The fear of abandonment is overwhelming for many individuals who are involved with narcissistic personalities. Traumatized as children by a narcissistic mother or father, they were treated with coldness and cruelty, disdain and even disgust. 

Even when this child behaves perfectly, this is not sufficient for the narcissistic parent to offer warmth, acceptance and caring. You cannot be good enough for a person with this kind of character disorder. The child of the narcissistic parent is psychologically and emotionally abandoned

When the adult child of a narcissistic parent marries a narcissist this pattern continues. The narcissist demands perfection from you. 

Since they don’t have a fully developed conscience it is easy for them to keep you from knowing about their secret lives. You want to believe the high level’s lies. This is not your fault. It is the result of the psychological trauma you experienced as the abused abandoned child of your narcissistic parent. 

Years, decades go by and you are still fighting yourself and remain with the high level narcissist. You have chronic insomnia, digestive disorder, you are constantly in a state of fight or flight, the sympathetic nervous system mode.

Finally, you recognize fully the true nature of the high level narcissist, that these are fixed personality disorders that do not change, that you must separate yourself from the high level narcissist to rescue your true original self, to restore your psychological, emotional and physical vitality and the use of your creative gifts. I give you tremendous credit for moving forward. I honor your insights, research, your fine character, psychological and emotional grounding, your unique creative gifts. 

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You watch them make their entrances at prestigious private events—their overall “look” is impeccable.  There are no flaws anywhere that you would discover even with an illumination device. You ask yourself: “How could anyone be that perfect?” Attention to detail is over the top. Like a perfect film set there is nothing out of place ever. Everything is focused on his image, entitlements, raw power, significant money making contacts, schemes and ruses for climbing to the summits of power and material largesse. 

The high level narcissist habitually shifts blame on to you when he/she is at fault and has caused you psychological and emotional pain. This is not your fault. Narcissists never take responsibility for their multiple transgressions. They are incapable of empathy or a developed conscience. 

You hear echoes of your role as the outcast in your family of origin. In this pathological family dynamics you were wrong from the beginning. 

High level don’t want you to be fully yourself as an individual; after all you would have a mind completely of your own and be unwilling to obey and tow the line to their overextended egos.  They insist that you play their games and not take the initiative in important matters.

In the beginning the days are exciting; everything is magical.

There is a time when torrents of narcissistic psychopathology rain on you nonstop. The air is thick with the narcissist’s recriminations, criticisms, accusations, ugly projections, flagrant lies. You feel the adrenaline running through your sympathetic nervous system during the day and especially at night. You cannot sleep; you are under siege. The dark shadow of the high level takes its toll on your psychological and emotional reserves. Chronic insomnia becomes part of your long nights. 

There is a time of awakening when you recognize after much research and insight that you can no longer remain in this toxic non relationship with the high level narcissist. 

You are moving forward now, knowing that you can reconstitute yourself as an independent, creative, calmer, grounded individual You feel a sense of peace and wholeness moving inside now. This is your day and time, your moment. Give yourself great credit for the complex and arduous journey you are making. Straight forward you go, seeking truth, wisdom, solitude, beauty, mutual trust and the full use of all of your unique creative gifts.

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Many of them go unnoticed at social events, appearing to be self effacing with a low grade ego. Meet the covert narcissist—that individual who is a narcissistic personality without the elaborate persona. They fool a lot of people with their practiced pseudo empathy and fake humility. Covert narcissists are highly competitive, manipulative, intensely secretive and willing to control you to get what and whom they want like their grandiose cousins. 

Their motive is to win you over and gain your trust. Watch out, the covert narcissist is doing his dirty work.

To protect yourself from the covert narcissist, study every facet of the narcissistic personality. Become keenly aware of their game playing. Learn to detach yourself from the covert narcissist. Some individuals practice their form of meditation and prayer. Exercise, sleep, rest, nutrition, good hydration, creative pursuits. 

You’re in charge of yourself and your reaction to others. You are a unique individual: grounded, creative, persevering, inspiring.

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Quoting from my book: Freeing Yourself From the Narcissist in Your Life: “The narcissist lives in a world of his making, dominated by inflated illusions of self-importance. His version of reality bears no resemblance to the truth…the narcissist believes that everything flows from him. 

High level narcissists who have achieved greatly through their myriad gifts, a mastery of using others to accelerate their climb up the summits of power and largesse, often lead heady lifestyles of glamour, pleasure, material acquisition, an over-weaning sense of self entitlement and personal perfection. 

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As much as you have studied, analyzed and experienced the high level narcissist, the unbounded heights of their grand delusions of self are astounding. Watching them perform is both riveting and appalling.

The high level narcissist builds his/her delusions over time, starting with the earliest years, particularly if he is the golden child. If you are treated and told from baby hood that you are perfect, can make no mistakes, that you reign above others in every respect, it is understandable that certain children would take on the identity of the high level narcissist. 

Contributing to the grand delusion of the narcissist is the lack of conscience which doesn’t develop. This is the result of the parents not placing any limits or boundaries on the budding narcissist. These parents don’t teach this child right or wrong, the capacity for empathy or an interest and respect for individuals other than themselves.

Beneath the surface in the unconscious the high level narcissist is psychologically a two year old child in tantrum mode when he doesn’t get his way. His negative character traits are extraordinary: highly demanding, outrageous, manipulative, exploitive, callousness. 

Are you familiar with this description and analysis of the high level narcissist? Were you married to or partnered with one of these impossible individuals? Did you have to deal with a high level narcissistic parent who treated you with disdain?

Now you are clear about the true nature of the high level narcissist, his delusions, cunning, lack of conscience, exploitation,  mendacity, total lack of empathy. 

This is your season of clarity, discernment, psychological grounded, deep insight. Give yourself great credit for the journey you have taken, the insights you have made, the perseverance that leads you to this point of awakening and choosing yourself, that wonderful individual of courage and wisdom. You ride now with the wind at your back, the vistas re wide and beautiful, the beginnings of new chapters to be written by you are straight ahead.

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